Today with Father,
It's Friday and he'd come this morning.
When I woke up, he suddenly stood there,
asked me to wake up.
We were going to have a breakfast in his
favorite place, Lontong Sayur Padang.
Shoot, I just read a message from my
classmate, that our basketball match is going to be held today, this morning
too.
I didn't have much time, so we both rushed
to have breakfast.
My Father, who drove from Jakarta to
Bandung before Shubuh, and happily saw me, suddenly has to drive me to school.
I didn't think I could understand how his
feelings that time.
Tired, mad, want to cry?
Maybe.
But he smiled anyway.
Today with Father,
The match was cancelled, because our team
was late. I felt it was the committee's stupidity fault to let us know
in last minutes.
And today was a holiday!
My Father just laughed when my friends
greeted him, told me that our opponent won without match. Unfair? Yes.
My Father asked me whether I am going home
with him or not, and I said that I will have a group work in my friend's house.
Again, I left him, yet he smiled.
Today without Father,
I went to my friend's house for about
three until four hours, yet what we did was not that much.
But I was quite satisfied.
My Father asked whether I am going to have
lunch with him, and in the minute when I was going to say yes, my friend told
me that her mum already cooked.
Then I said sorry to him, and told him
that after lunch, I will come right away to his lunch place.
And I did.
Today with Father,
I was so full that I let him ate alone,
and I ate cakes which I bought near the lunch place.
It was so peaceful that I tried to rewind
the time again and again.
After lunch, we decided to go back home
and straight to the hotel where he is going to have a workshop for 3 days
there.
I joined him too.
Today with Father,
We arrived at the hotel, and we both
satisfied with the room. The environment was also nice, and I felt like I
wanted to sleep all 3 days.
I forgot about where we went after arrived
there.
But I was so happy.
Today with Father,
I needed to go to school for extra
classes, and my Father had his workshop, so both of us need to go.
All I ever thought at school is about the
weekend that I am going to spend with my Father.
I was happy.
I even went to buy my favorite food first
before headed to the hotel.
And when I arrived there, he still hasn't
finished yet.
It's fine, I can take a nap.
Today with Father,
I had a performance this night, my first
one.
And my Father had his dinner with his
friends.
Yet he chose to accompany me. How stupid I
was that I let him waited for more than three hours because my turn didn't show
up.
After I finished, he looked at me proudly,
even though my play was suck.
I couldn't stop looking at him, seeking
for forgiveness, because in the end, his friends already left the dinner place,
And in the end, I had a dinner with my
Father.
It was nice, though.
Today with Father,
My Father woke up early and went to the
gym, when I was still sleeping. It was so tiring.
After that, we had breakfast together, and
I have to admit that the hotel's food is great.
I was being left alone when my Father had
to attend the workshop.
All I did that day were sleeping, eating
cakes, working my homework, and watching television, sometimes.
My Father went back to room for praying,
and he looked exhausted.
So I tried to sound as little as possible.
At night, he asked me to have dinner
together with his friends, when I just ate my order for late lunch.
And the order was super large portion, I
even asked him to help me with it.
Because he knew I was so full, he let me
stayed at the room and he went to have a dinner with his friends.
Have fun, Father.
Today with Father,
It's Monday, and the government made this
day as a public holiday because tomorrow is national holiday.
It was kind of waste, to just work for a
day then holiday again.
My Father still had his workshop, and I
was still waiting patiently.
I watched, ate, sometimes slept, studied,
and watched again.
He finished his whole workshop at 3p.m.,
and we decided to go out for refreshing at 4.
From a discussion with Mom, we then
decided to buy a camera.
At first, Father didn't want to buy one,
he just asked me to just have a sight-seeing.
Then I said, why do we even have to go if
we are not intending to buy one?
I mean, it will be more hurt if we have
planned not to buy it than accidentally don't buy it, right?
And I thought that, if Father doesn't
really want to buy one, then we don't have to. I'm fine, I think.
But suddenly, he agreed, because he wanted
to go outside.
Today with Father,
At the camera shop, we didn't find the
camera that my Father's friend suggested.
We found one of the two options, but
Father thought it's too expensive. I didn't care that much, since I am not a
pro, so we didn't really need a great camera.
The other option was out of stock, but
they have a higher level than that option, which is still a little bit cheaper
than the first option, but the gap is not as big as both first options, so it
was still expensive.
I thought Father wasn't going to buy the
camera, so I told him that it is up to him.
Suddenly, he called his friend, asked for
suggestion, and later, he decided to buy the new option that has replaced one
of the first options.
I thought it was fine, since it's still
cheaper.
And suddenly, the employee told us that
the lens is not the usual type of lens for camera, so if we want to use a same
kind of lens like the more expensive camera, we have to add more until it was
more expensive than the one that we said it was expensive.
I thought Father wouldn't buy it, because
what's the point of buying a cheaper one when it gets more expensive?
And he still bought the camera which is
actually cheaper, but because we changed the lens, it's more expensive.
I was shocked.
Not only that, when we chose the bag, I
thought he might choose the smaller and cheaper one, instead, he bought the bigger,
more stylish, and more expensive one.
Started from our low budget to buy a
camera, Father suddenly gave his maximum to buy the best one.
I gave him four thumbs up.
We went to the hotel with happy faces,
well his was happier.
After that, we had dinner together with
his friends, the last dinner.
Today with Father,
It's the last day to stay at the hotel,
and we woke quite late today.
As usual, Father went to the gym, I
watched television, and we had breakfast quite late too.
After that, we watched "WipeOut"
until the Bell-Boy came, and we checked-out.
I think I need one more day to stay. Just
one more.
Today with Father,
After checked-out, we went to one of my
nearly-like-relatives' house.
We had lunch and chats.
I didn't remember really much,
But I did regret a thing.
That I didn't sit next to my Father all
the time.
Today with Father,
We went straight to a supermarket to buy a
locking case for the camera to keep it from humidity.
After that, we went to the bookstore to
find my brother's present,
But then, Father told me that he can give
one of his presents to my brother as a present from me.
I felt happy at first, but now I do regret
a thing.
The fact that I didn't let myself to just
buy the present that I was planning on giving to my brother.
Today with Father,
We bought tahu brintik after that, and we
headed straight home.
Father was planning on going back to
Jakarta after Ashar,
But I forbad him. I told him to take a nap
first, so he will be fresh in his way to Jakarta.
I just wanted to make him stay longer.
Today with Father,
When Father took a nap, I slept outside of
his room, on the living room.
I didn't sleep actually, because I was
spying on him.
I was so afraid that he might go back to
Jakarta without saying goodbye to me or hug me.
My tears were heavy enough to be held
back, but I did.
Today with Father,
It's nearly Maghrib and the land lady came
to tell that if I receive a paper for building tax, I should not pay and just
give the paper to the land lady.
When she and her brother asked whether my
father was here or not, I told them yes but he was having a rest, because he
will drive on night road.
They then went off, and my Father has
waked up. I was shocked and afraid.
He asked me why I didn't wake him up, and
I answered that I am afraid his rest will be disturbed.
He then prayed and asked me whether I need
to buy something again.
I told him that I think I need to buy an
inhaler, since I couldn't inhale really clear.
But mostly, it was to spend more time with
my Father,
Today with Father,
We went to the nearest medicine shop, and
bought some medicines.
When he drove me home, I cried quietly,
because the more I thought about when he was leaving, the sadder I got.
He then told me to be tough and hug me.
It was raining when I went outside and
sent him off.
But shoot,
I didn't hug him.
I cried more.
Today without Father,
I cried quietly in my room, regretting the
time that I didn't spend with him.
And I texted him, that I didn't have a
chance to hug him.
I felt really guilty not to hug him, yet
he hugged me.
And then I wrote this.
It has always been like this. When it's
only hours before my parents go back, suddenly there's a switch being on,
realizing me that there are only several hours left with my parents.
I suddenly felt stressed and I kept
thinking about what it will be like when they already go back to Kalimantan
which is so far away from me,
And I forgot about those several hours
left with them.
And when the already went back, I kept
thinking about last hours I spent with them, and I regret that I didn't spend
those hours with them fully, because I kept thinking about when they leave.
And those thoughts, again, fly in my mind.
Thoughts about, what if my parents got an
accident after visiting me, and I will never be able to meet them again?
What if my parents got accident when they
are going to meet me, and I will never be able to meet them again?
And those thoughts keep coming on their
every visit, and they grow stronger each day, which made me more frustrated,
What if because of this insane intuition,
I made all of my thoughts come true?
What if because of this thought that keeps
growing stronger every day, it came true?
What can I do without them?
Then I will never forgive myself for
thinking such kind of thoughts.
I will never ever let myself happy for
letting those thoughts becoming true.
I will never forgive myself for taking my
happiness away from me.
Please Allah, keep them safe, forever and
always.
Dina.