No Going Home

There is no going home.

There is no going back.

There is no same place.

In fact, even tomorrow is different.

The next several seconds are different.

The moment you breath in and out are different.

The city that you left is now different despite the same name.

The people in it are different.

The temperature is different.

The sky line is different.

Nevertheless, you're different.

Instead of going back, you're moving forward.

Instead of going home, you're going to a new place where new adventures await.

Instead of same routine, you're exploring every new chance that life offered in every second.

Instead of thinking, "It's over," you'll be thinking, "Oh, there's another door."

And instead of closing the book, you just add them up.

Because, my dear friends, life is not simply hopping back and forth. It's rolling forward no matter how you try to replay your history.

Because, my friends, what we wish to be eternal, will always be eternal and will keep adding up.

Because, my friends, we have learned how to treasure the present.

Just like the grass that will keep growing upward no matter how passionate you cut them.

...In fact, they may still grow despite you pull them out.

Guidance to Taking Courses

Education system around the world is different, that we know for sure. As a student who spent her life in a staying in class education system, I'mpretty accustomed   with uniforms, having same classmates for a year, seeing the teachers come and go, taking a praying break during lunch, and most importantly, having your schedule being dictated by your school. I know I want to write about how the differences in school are pretty crucial, but that's not one reason why I wrote this post.

So as some people may know, I was lucky enough to be selected as one of the 2012-2013 batch of YES exchange student program from Indonesia to United States of America. Some part of myself believe that it was not lucky, it was a long journey full of effort and dedication after nearly two years of patience and competition. It was a tough competition between me and the scholarship: which one is way better than the other?

But anyway, time passed by and here I am now, enjoying some ofthe last   weeks in America, and literally the last week of my American school.

I wrote this post in hope that it can help any future exchange students that are going to attend an American-system school in picking classes during their stay, one of many reasons is to not repeat my errors.

1. Determine first whether your school system is using yearly basis or block (semester) basis

Now this is very important. If you don't know the difference, first you have to know how America's school system works. Basically, you get to choose you own class. Yearly system means you will have the same classes for all year long (which usually you will take 6 classes), and block system means you'll have 4 classes for the first semester, and another different 4 classes the next semester. Now in my case, I had the yearly system. That's when it's very tricky in choosing class. When you have a yearly system, you have to be very careful of what class you're going to take, because you'll stuck with it the whole year. In my opinion, when you have a yearly system, you kinda have to give up fun classes that you were thinking of taking, or limit them into just one classes. It is true that during your exchange year, you'd like to try different classes that your country doesn't have, but keep in mind that you need to exercise your mind before coming back home. Some of us will go straight to college (or college entrance exam), and as for my case, I will go straight to my senior year and preparing for our end of school's exam and university exam. Which is crazy hard.

Now, if you have a block system, good for you! Although you may not have that many classes for each semester, now you can just balance it out! You get to take classes you want to try and the ones that you feel like will help your brain exercise. You probably can pick two fun classes instead of one!

2. Exchange Class Policy

One thing to be noted, whether you get your school schedule before you arrive on the country or just know it when you arrive, go make sure whether there's an exchange class policy that some schools have (including my school). What it means that during the first 25 days of school (basically fthe first one), you are given the chance to change classes as you wish and it won't bother your report card. Now this will help you a lot anytime you feel like the class is too easy and it doesn't help you exercise your mind a lot, you can change it to a harder class. If you think the class is too hard, consider this first: is it because the difference of the language that makes it hard or you just simply think that what they study in the class is hard (like, you also have problem with the same type of class in your country?). If it's because the language, just bear with it for several weeks, you'll get better at it. But if it's because you have problem with the same type of classes in your country you might want to consider taking similar classes that are a bit easier, or just change. After that 25 days policy, anytime you change your class you will probably have a zero for the previous class for your previous quarter, I think. Some schools have different policy, I guess. But that's what my guidance counselor told me when I was going to change a class. So be wise!

3. Determine your English level: is it okay? Good? Or you barely survive?

If your English is ranging from good to okay, you may want to consider taking harder classes such as Math, Science, and etc. instead of cultural arts or language. It's not that I regretted my cultural arts class, in fact I love my art class so much that I wished I could bring my art teacher back home, but some of my other classes were made for either freshmen and sophomores--which mean it sort of teaching you from the beginning. If you feel like you have an okay to good English, choose classes that will eventually help you going back to your country, especially Indonesia. You may want to consider taking Honors classes (means that students who go to this class are a bit smarter than most of the school and the level of study that they do is a bit harder, more challenging, but also score higher than the usual grade) or AP classes (the classes have the same quality for college classes, and if you tak the AP exam, you can use it as a credit for college). But if you feel like having a really good English, you may want to consider just taking regular classes. But still, pick the classes that will exercise your mind the most!

4. How's your school back in your country?

You also need to use your homecountry school as reference. Are you in a quite top-notch high school? Does your high school has a pretty high standard and it's hard to get in? Is the level of classes in there is high? Or moderate? Now based on that, pick the level of classes from regular, Honors, to AP. If you feel that your school is just okay at studying, you may want to pick regular or honors classes--recommended. Usually in honors classes, most of the kids are those who did pretty good during their school year, so you'll get to hang out around students who do good and probably encourage you to study more. If you feel that your homeschool is quite high standard, you may want to consider honors-AP classes. Now in AP classes, only certain people who do very good in their previous classes will be allowed to take the class, because the setting of the class is using the same basis for college class, although it may be a little easier. Students who are in AP classes are usually from honors classes, too. You may get a little problem in the beginning, due to language. But after that, you'll do fine, and you get to hang out around people who have at least the willingness to study and a better class environment.

5. You'll find friends anywhere you go!

One of my regrets is that I considered the people I get along with instead of classes that I'll be needing. I thought, "Well I'm just going to be here for a year, so it didn't matter what classes I'm taking, if I feel comfortable with the people in it, I can bear the class." Wrong! Well, it's true that it is very important to be comfortable around your classes. But please do consider the quality of the class as well. If it (or the teacher) frustrates you, despite the fact that you're having good time with your friends, you may want considering changing classes. You'll find friend anywhere you go, don't let only that factor affects your decision.

6. Take US History and English!

As in my exchange program, we are obligated to take those two classes. Being in America, taking its history class will help you a lot understanding the personality of the nation. Also, there's many cool stories about American's history that I would have never learn before. With the way of how teacher's teaching in America (you see them every single day), you'll gain a great understanding about US' history. English, in some way, may be one of a quite harder class despite of it being honors or regulars. But in this class, teachers will help exercise your mind in taking notes from passages and help you with your writings as well--one that I need so bad, because I love writing.

7. Take Pre-Calculus or Calculus instead of Geometry and Algebra

I took Geometry because I thought, since my senior year back in my home country will be studying some of geometry and I'm not that good at it, taking it here might help. Slightly wrong. How the class system in America is that they will basically teach you the very basic of a subject, in my geometry class, I learnt from the beginning about definitions of shapes and forms--instead of going straight to problems like we used to in my country. Now I'm not saying that it's bad, but it may not help you as well. See, many of Pre-calculus and Calculus materials will be used for my exams in my country, and that's why I should've taken that class instead. Despite how much I enjoyed being part of the class, I'd still rather take a harder class to help me remembering the weird integral, functions, and so on. Now, if your American school starts using that Math I, Math II, Math III type of class instead of Algebra, Geometry, Pre-Calc, you may want to take Math II or higher. The Math type class is more like Indonesian-math class, where each of everything is fused into a one year program.

8. Take classes that you know you have trouble understanding back in your country

Now, some people might say don't do this because then it'll mess your mind about the subject. But I personally think that, with the system of meeting your teaching every single day, you will get great help understanding the classes that you used to having problem with. If I were given the chance to pick classes again, I'd take Chemistry and Physics, just because I feel like I'm not very good at those two subjects so I need a better insight on it. Use this chance to expand your view about the subjects that you didn't really like or good at.

9. Take Art!

I dedicate this for my Art teacher. Go find out about the art class program in you school. If it sounds interesting and you never did it before, take the class! Or stay in the class! I was fortunate that I had such wonderful art teacher and I was able to explore my art interest in watercolor and clay. You better try it, too!

10. Language class is an okay option.

If and only if you think that you will have some slots left after taking the important classes, you may want to consider taking language classes. It's not as recommended as my art class, but if you have the chance, you can consider taking it.

11. Do a sport!

Rather than taking physical ed. class, you may want to use the remaining slot for classes that will help you, and join a sports club instead! You'll get the chance to feel the real American tradition through its sports, too. And meeting new people, new friends, perhaps new family!

I could not think of anything else that I need to share regarding on how to choose classes in America's school system. Basically these are the main points you need to keep in mind while choosing a class. If you ever have any question, feel free to ask!

 

What Have You Achieved?

This late Wednesday, I decided to finish some usual stuff regarding my exchange program. Some (last) monthly surveys, a presentation, and so on.

And I stumbled upon this particular question:
"What are your accomplishments during your exchange year?"

Well, now, that is hard, I told myself. Are you expecting me to count every single things that occur during my exchange year and count them as accomplishments? What are the criteria of accomplishment itself? What you would consider as an achievement and not?

I was stunned, for several minutes. In fact, for those several minutes, I thought that I just lost all of those passionate dreams that brought me here, to the land of the ambitious achievers (not that my own land is not an ambitious one).

For some moment in your life, there are times that you think you're pretty clueless of what you're doing right now. What you even want. And there will be time when you started to doubt yourself. To doubt the fact that you are capable, you are what you think who you are.

And there will be time when you stop counting what you've achieved because you'd think that, "No, that is not an achievement."

And I did stumble that thought. The fact that I was pretty clueless for several minutes gave me a hard slap on my face on how I nearly felt that I didn't accomplish anything.

I might start rambling about silly things that I would consider as an achievement because I didn't want to look bad on myself. And I started to worry about how I have wasted this whole year just for being an American instead of an incredible human being that can change the world.

And here's a fact: I did, and still change the world. Not because I wanted to sound cool nor to feel better about myself, but without my existence, lots of what happened in yours wouldn't be there in the first place. Now, this might sound a bit narcissistic, but again, I did.

 Most of us are busy thinking about what we have done in the past and what we will do in the future that we--most of the time--ignore the present. I just started reading a book talking about Zen--a way to calm yourself--for SAT. Yes, It might sound weird but I am taking the SAT, just to test myself, and to take myself a step ahead in life. I presume.

But anyway, this really cool book teaches me to recognize the existence of the present first. I don't fully agree with the whole present statement because I'm quite a visionary individual that likes to know that there are indeed possibilities in the future and I'd like to make my way to them. But things only matter in the future and only in the past that we cannot really touch without doing something to our present. What we envision will remain as a vision, what we regret will remain as a regret. And then we just forgot that, what happens now, only happens now.

This might sound confusing, but my main point is that,
I totally disagree with the prompt of asking what is your achievement. What happened in the past might be as important as your visions, but again, nothing matters more that what you're doing at this moment. Because none of those will matter to your life. This, right now, is what matters.

And you shouldn't be asking "What have you achieved?" but instead, "What are you doing now?"
Then I will gladly answer, "Appreciating life in a thousand ways and being amazed with the vast perspectives of random people."

Nine More Weeks

...Actually, eight weeks and six days more.
Before I actually leave United States. Leaving the status of being a KL-YES 2012-2013 exchange student.

Before, I never actually think about the difference of going back home. Because really and truly, deep inside, I am positively believing that near in the future, my life will revolve around the world. Literally. And I am ready to make it that way. That's why I want to be an exchange student, to become a part of the world itself. The universe itself. Although it may sound very dramatic.

And yes, again, I was never paying attention to the fact that there will be great changes in my life, soon. Just like several weeks before I was coming here. I wasn't paying attention at all, that something's big was coming. Same case here.

But then, last Thursday, was the last home game for our softball team. Basically, the JV team is released from duty and the Varsity has to focus on the conference game--the real battle. And I just realized that during the game.

As for being the last home game, we held our Senior Day--which is a thank-you ceremony for the seniors and good-luck good-bye party for those who are going to college--which was also awesome. Shockingly, the coaches told me to go in line as well, as a honorable mention for being part of the team. I got a box full of chocolate and bubble gums inside a plastic bat. Because of the short notice, I didn't even tell my host mom to come--because I didn't think there's a necessity for it. My coach as well as my homeroom teacher was walking with me instead, because she didn't want me to walk alone.

After the short ceremony, our varsity team played really well and won against the guest team by 15 to zero. In some ways, I felt like the game was pretty okay because the guest team was not that very good either, so it felt like we were really dominating the home plate. But then, that's a beautiful score for a Senior Day game.

Then, when it came to the end of the game, I just realized that, that's it. That's the only day I would probably be ever wearing my softball uniform again. That's probably the only day I would actually come casually as a softball team member. No more going home at 6.30, no more going to concession and buy some Snickers. No more getting out of class earlier. No more bringing bat and gloves to school. No more dressing up because it's a big game day. No more asking them whether we're going to have practice or not. No more stinky socks after game. No more changing in the locker room. No more catching, throwing, or batting with the same girls I used to. No more getting tan. No more snuggling up together to fight the cold, windy night during the varsity game. No more screaming, "You got this, babe!" or something else. No more bees in the dugout--wait, NO more dugouts. No more Coach Norman, Coach Lemcool, Coach Seligman, Coach Jones. No more smelling the grass of the fresh-cut field, or the wild flowers that shyly popped out on the field. No more bruises of getting thrown at.

No more of that.

When I just realized, "This is indeed the end". The fact that I won't be as busy as before stung me a bit. I won't be doing these stuff anymore. I won't be doing the same kind of activities as I used to anymore.

The fact that things have slowly changed pretty much scared me, because no matter how hard I tried to neglect the effect of changes because life is about come and go and come again, my life has slowly changed, and it's approaching the rear end of my journey as a KL-YES exchange student.

But not as an exchange student. This journey is just the tidbits of the beginning as I am just starting my whole adventure as an exchange student.

Yes, people. Eight weeks and six days.

Save the Orangutans

So, I was helping the Earth Day celebration in Kathleen Clay library last Saturday (April 13). When I said helping, it was picking up chairs, tables, helping out some cool exhibitioners, and taking a walk.

It was very interesting because I got to interact with some groups who are focusing on reshaping their environment. For example, I was very interested with the trash system in America, like how they have two types of trash bin that are literally being processed differently. It'd be super cool if Indonesia will ever apply that.

And then I stumbled upon this "Save the Orangutans" table. Even before the exhibition started, I was already interested with the hanging orangutan on the entrance without knowing that it... I mean she was actually a property to one of the exhibitions.

I told the exhibitionist that I used to live in Borneo and I was born in Sumatra, and where I used to live, Orangutans like to come by with their children within a seeing-range. He got very excited and we chatted about some stuff. I asked for his email address in case I can suggest him some conservation spots for Orangutans in Indonesia if he ever wants to visit.

Seeing a booth about Orangutans touched my feelings very much because there are actually people who care about Orangutans even though they never see one. Even people as far as Americans who actually care about animals whom they never see before. I suddenly felt a familiar feeling, a feeling that usually comes when I see an orangutan back in my backyard.

Caring about something is unlimited. You might even love something that you never even see before, fighting for someone whom you never even knew personally before. And that could mean a lot to people who actually have the personal connection with it. Like me.

D-Day Prom

Here's a short somewhat recap of what happened during D-Day of Prom, which was Saturday, April 13th 2013.

Me and my host sister found two couples who were very nice and pretty close to us that we're nice enough to grab us to join their circle to the prom (in exchange for taking their pictures, which I didn't mind at all). On the same day, earlier before prom, I had to volunteer for my Environment Service Learning Group on the library's Earth Day. I stayed from 9 till 3 in the afternoon. Something very touching happened during the Earth Day and I'd explained that in the later post.

So, my hostmum picked me up and we went to Target to get some foundation. Apparently it's so hard for me to find a right foundation because of my skin color and the sensitivity. Gladly I found Neutrogena Honey beige foundation. This Neutrogena brand is focusing for special need skin,no for those who need a foundation but doesn't want to encourage more pimples break-out, you might want to consider Neutrogena, even for regular use.

After taking a slight, fast shower, I was ready for the battle. Yep, battle with make-up. To be frank, that was my first time ever dressing up and putting make-up for a dance by MYSELF. Gladly it turned out to be pretty decent, for me.

Then it comes to the time when I have to put my dress on. And oops. I got two suntan line on my shoulders that were pretty visible because of the Earth Day. I was laughing so hard because now it looks as if I'm wearing attachable sleeves.

Then, matter comes to the hair problem. I'm so used with my short hair that now, since I have this length of hair, I have no idea what to do with it. Time was ticking so fast that I was going to scream in my hostmum's bathroom. My hostsister tried to help me with curling my hair but I was so scared since she put it so long, my hair started to feel like it was burnt. I decided to take the matters by myself. Time was still ticking, when our friend finally texted us that his date was still taking care of her hair as well, so he's adding extra 30 minutes. Fyuh, extra time.

I finally took my hair problem to an end and it looked pretty decent, again. At least that was my first. And I wasn't sure if I'm ever gonna do that again.

We finally met up in a quite pretty park, I took some of the two couples' pictures and my host sister's pictures as well. After spending some time in the park, we decided to have dinner in Olives Garden, some sort of an Italian Restaurant.

It was a very nice yet too much dinner. Our friend volunteered himself to buy the appetizer (although my dinner was an appetizer as well), which are salad and fluffy breadsticks. They're delicious but just too much! My main supper hasn't even come yet.

I ordered a Lasagna Fritta, which is basically slices of fried-breaded lasagna which is very good. But since I was very full, I only ate two of them. Three I gave to my friend who gladly accepted it, one I handed over to my host sister. The whole table were planning on ordering some deserts, and I'm pretty glad that all of us were really full.

We decided to go to our prom's place with one car, it was 9.30 already. Since everybody was so full, the car was pretty quiet. To be honest, I had so much fun already that I thought I'm okay with not going to the main prom.

After arriving in the prom place, I was pretty puzzled. I am not a party person, but if I ever had to come to one, it's probably an after party for a week-long conference or meeting. But this prom, it was dark and it was not that big. Not to mention, not so many people in it.

Some if our teachers were there as well, chaperoning. My favorite art teacher was there and I was so happy to see her there. We took several pictures together, and then the song was changed. I kinna like the song, so I decided to go to the dance floor and "exercise" a bit with my host sister. But then the song was changed again, and the scenery became... Pretty disgusting.

When I said disgusting, it's disgusting for me, personally. It's not that kind of hugging each other slow dance kind of dance, but it's the girls in front-boys at the back type of dancing. And they were all over the place. Even girl to girl, those people who didn't bring date. I guess that's what they called as "grinding". And it was... Disgusting.

And awkward to see. I went back to the spot where we sat, which is near my art teacher, and I told her it was so awkward. She laughed at me and she told me that it wasn't like that when she went to high school, which is several years ago.

I even spotted the guy who once asked my phone number and texted me if I ever wanted to hang out with him or whatsoever one day. He was dancing... Pretty bashfully that I converted my eyesight as soon as I spotted him. Eew.

We stayed there until 11.30 when we decided to call our hostparents to pick us up. Most of the people were still dancing crazily and awkwardly on the dance floor when we left, and frankly speaking, I was glad we finally left.

After that night, I felt pretty glad that I went because I got nothing to lose and I got things to gain, although some of them are bad ones. But I enjoyed it pretty much, especially our picture and dining time. It's worth a try, although you won't lose that much if you decided not to go.

Prom

We've been thinking about this for the whole week, perhaps two weeks.
When I said "we", it's me and my host sister.

I am never a party person. And I hate wasting time at place that I know I won't have fun at all.
So we're trying to gather up some info from our friends whether they're going or not. Most of our friends said they're not coming.

And I was very bias at that time. What we're going to do if none of the people in there we barely knew?

Then I tried to ask some other friends and coaches, and they said I should go. It's worth a try. It's WIH the ticket. If you don't like it, you can go home (that's what my host mother said).

And we already bought the dress anyway.

So tonight, the last night for prom ticket sale, I was ambiguous. I was planning on knocking my host sister's door to ask and briefly tell her what I was thinking about the matter, when she suddenly knocked mine.

"I have the answer," she said briefly. And I knew for sure.

That she's going to say yes.
Slightly, I felt a relieved feeling passed through my heart. I told our host mother immediately so that she could drive us to the ATM to get some money.

For some people, deciding this matter is no problem at all.

But for me who values time so much (although now I'm wasting it through blogging), this was a big deal.

I felt like I just successfully made a decision between college or two future-boyfriend candidates.

Sports Photographer

Today was a wonderful, rare chance for me. Our JV softball team didn't have any match, but the varsity had one. While cooling off under the shed, I spotted a man with hits fancy camera and big lens. I have taken interest with sports photography lately--right after nature photograph--because if the speechless expression that you cannot even describe, or that magical moments when someone slides or do some crazy stuff.

My coach told me to gather up my courage to talk to him, but I felt like I might disturb him. I decided to talk, though. He was very nice and he actually had two Canon cameras with Ultrasonic lenses. Yes, the fancy, super duper long lens. I told him that I started to take a liking to sports photography and I took one during a track meet. He was suddenly so excited and immediately asked me, "Wanna try to shoot?"

I was... Speechless.
Me, shooting with such camera? It's gotta be crazy!
I asked him several times if he was really sure about it, and he was just laughing. He asked me whether I'm gonna be here or not next year, because he'd like to coach me to be a sports photographer. I told him that I had to go back home, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to pursue sports photographer as a hobby as well, and I'd love to get some of his advices for it.

So, I got some shoots that are not as good as his, though. I was using his Canon EOS1 DS Titanium or whatsoever it's too long with the 200 lens. It. Was. AWESOME.

He complimented one of my pictures although I cannot really see it on the screen.

He gave me his name card to get in touch through facebook and to see some of his sports photography pictures.

I nailed the day! Even though I left 5 home works today (but I made it to school since I redid them again), I felt really energized and excited. Yahoooow!

Live Skype with @binabudbdg

As always, like the past couple years, my dearly beloved Chapter Bandung held its annual Open House for exchange programs. They served a lot of informations about being an exchange student, experiences, and simply motivation.

It's probably one of the most fun day out of all volunteering work with them, and again. For two years in a row, I cannot participate. Physically.

So for this year, they gave me a chance to do a live Skype video call with them. Which is won. der. ful.

Like I always tell people, I cannot stop smiling while doing a video call, which is referred as "cengar-cengir". It was (gladly) a short call since I started to get sleepy as well. But it was pretty fun. Kak Vitara asked about my very first memory in America, which is the difference of driving direction that drove me crazy in the first time. One boy asked about bullying, which I answered that I never really see one, I guess that's because I always choose the good friends to hang out with. Kak Bije asked about my weight, which I told her that I gained 5 kg. NOOO I hope no one remembers about the bet of not gaining weight.

Another boy asked about shopping, which I thought he was asking about shopping food. But then he asked about shopping clothes,NAND I told him about the wonderful things of shopping in the thrift stores. It's just like a treasure hunt, you'll never know what you'll find!

Kak Irin asked whether I already performed some Indonesian culture in there or not (she's referring to my Bali dance practice), which I haven't. Yet. I don't know.

Another asked whether I have a boyfriend or not. And I shyly shook my head. There are people, but I rejected them, okay?

Lastly, Dion asked about school in America. I told him about the exchanging class, fun events that they often have, and classes that I take.

Surely, it was a great conversation. I'm glad I was able to make a quirky--ups, quick--video call.

Thank you Chapter Bandung! I love you very super duper much!

Bladder infection

So yeah, after my Plantar warts, another illness bugs. As I have googled the symptoms, I'm pretty sure it was bladder infection. But then I thought, like some other illnesses I usually had, it would go away pretty easily.

But just like my plantar warts, it seems that it won't go away unless I go to the doctor.
Since spring break is up and we're planning on going to Tennessee and the mountain, as soon as I told my host mum about it right after my softball practice, she drove me to her usual doctor at the Walk-In clinic. After waiting nearly an hour or so for the doctor, I finally got examined. Examined in here like, being questioned and stuff. Not some other weird examination.

One thing that made me quite relieved that night was that the doctor was pretty good-looking, for an India-looking doctor. I was quite happy about it, haha.

Nonetheless, probably from all of my life, my exchange year is the year that I got most of weird illnesses with me. I sure got a lot of memories from them. It's funny how I got it in America, out of all places.

Welcome to America.

Flustered

"You look very different every time you don't wear your glasses. It's like a different person. When you wear it, you look like this cute little girl who likes to study and very serious, but when you take it off, you look like this sexy woman. Totally different."

My hostmum commenting on my not-wearing-glasses appearance today.

Flustered.

Wallet

It's not that I got pick-pocketed or something.

So one day, I accidentally showed my nearly five years old, quite damaged wallet to one of my best friends in America. She was so curious about it, she even opened it and looked at my Indonesian debit or credit card, I have no idea.

And suddenly she said, "Hey, since you're coming back to your country, why don't you leave me this wallet?". My first reaction was shocked not because it's very bold for her to ask for my wallet, but it's very weird for her to ask something that I have used for years that even my mother asked me to buy a new wallet because it's so damaged and--as they said in here--rachet. Although it doesn't really look nasty or crazy, like what the internet slang means. But still! How come I give my very close friend a wallet that I've been using for years that the leather inside started to crumple down?

I told her about my concern giving her that wallet since it's too old and the leather is crumpling down, but she said she didn't mind at all. In fact, she liked collecting stuff, even though it's old.

Now I have no idea how to react if she indeed meant what she asked. I'd be willing to give it away, but giving a friend an old wallet?

I don't know.

Toe-Trauma

To be frank, after the unexpected Plantar Wart (mata ikan) incident, I am a bit traumatized with the possibilities of having foot problems, that a slight hurt on my toe had caused worry and discomfort. WHAT IF I GOT ANOTHER ONE THAT IS WORSE? That's what I'm worried about.

Coach's Perspective About Cat and Dog

"See, dogs, whatever you tell them, they'll do it for you. They're that best-friend type of animals [Just like Hachiko the dog]. If you tell them to fetch the ball, they'll do it for you.

But cats, they're like the total opposite. They're like your average teenage girl who refuses to do anything you (as a parent) wants. When you sleep, if your cat wants to play with you, it'll come to you and growl and scratch you until you wake up. It doesn't care what you do, it only cares about the cat's own desire."

Not always, Coach, not always.

Cute

Some of the girls in my softball team keep saying how cute and warming my voice is. Some of them even complimented that I look cute on the Friday's dressing up.
This might be one reason I don't want to go home. Nobody calls me that way in Indonesia, haha.

If Vampires...

Tonight, after dinner, my dear host sister was discussing about what if vampires are real. I went upstairs a bit earlier so I didn't know how it got started, but when I went downstairs, my host mum was still talking to her and she pulled me into the conversation.

"Dina, I'll ask you, do you think vampires are real? I think they don't, because they won't have soul, thus they're not real or..." my host mum said. I didn't really remember what she said, but the point is that she didn't believe that it's real because they'd be soulless. It doesn't really make sense but I got what she meant.

I said that I don't know whether vampires exist or not, because there's a lot of these mutations cases that happened, but if there are creatures that have a similar specs with vampires, I'd say that we cannot see them with the same glasses as we see human beings. Because no matter what condition they are, they're not human. They're another kind of animals that we called "vampires", which sounds fancy especially after the Great Vampire Wave that hit us these past few years. I was not joking.

My host sister then asked me again, "Just what if? If they do exist yet soulless, how can they thinking and have brain and do other stuff (most likely she's referring to Twilight Saga)?"

Here's the problem, I told her. From all the depictions that she knew about vampires, the most likely she'll pay attention is from Twilight Saga, which is her favorite series. I have no offense with that since I kind of enjoying the first book as well. But for me, it's absurd to see vampires as seeing humans. And that's hard, I know. While most of the stories in Twilight Saga is about how a used-to-be-human vampire tried to be good and other stuff, for me, the idea of vampire is another inhumane creature that you cannot even categorized it as human.

We, human species, are animals, and vampires themselves are animals. Orangutans, for instance, are animals. Thus we should be seeing vampires with the same mind as we see orangutans. Her way of thinking is that vampires are very close to humans thus they have minds and other stuff, it's just they're not eating normal or having normal strength. Or normal cell and normal classification, if I must make it clear.

I gave her another comparison, human and orangutan. The problem why we can't see the difference between vampires and humans is because they are physically like us, or according to most book, they also talk like us.  But no matter how similar the physical appearance is, we still cannot say vampires are close to human. Then we should say Orangutans or Chimpanzee are close to human as well. But our mind disregarded that, because they are not physically look like us. Thus, when you're talking about vampires, don't refer them as soulless or mindless human because they are, in fact, not even humans.We're doing some injustice here if we refer vampires as human.

And after finishing the rough topic about this, I figured out that there's no correlation between what each of us was talking about. I was babbling about how you cannot see vampires like humans (well now it makes a bit sense) and she was babbling about WHAT IF vampires exists. And to be frank, I have no clue what her real question is.

End of the dinner discussion.

Fake It Till You Become It

So, here's the short summary of how my life has been for the past two months in 2013, in America.

As some people may have noticed--or not--I made it to the Softball Junior Varsity team, which was pretty weird. I never played "formal" softball before, and seeing my name on the list... made me felt a bit happy for the effort I tried to put into things that I do. But at the same time... I felt slightly disappointed because actually I was indeed ready not to make it to the team. I was ready and won't have any regrets for it since I already tried how it felt to play softball even though not in the team, and ready to enroll to the track team--which didn't come true.

There was a slight disappointment during my first several practices, but overall, I think I started to overcome it--which I will explain later.

Also, important event on last February 18th, it was my host sister's 18th birthday! Having her 18th on the February 18th, isn't that sweet?

Basically, yeah.

Talking about my softball experience, I speculated for several reasons why I got accepted into the team. One that occurred to me is the fact that I'm an exchange student. Realize it or not, being an exchange student has somehow given some people that privilege to join new stuff--mostly because the prestige of having a foreign student in a school activity will sure give a really good image for the club's diversity--although that was just one of my skeptical concept of exchange student.

As a mere human, I love being treated special. Humans try to seek different things that they can think of that make them different from other humans in the world, to think about how the world actually revolves around them, to be selfish and self-centered. That's why those superheroes movie appeared, to make you feel proud of yourself, not being left out or normal. Nobody likes to be called normal, to be honest. We're the unique seeker, we hates similarity.

So basically, I love the fact that I am sort of one step ahead in life experience from my friends in here, America--although that is not necessarily true. When you become an exchange student, you just feel like you have those privilege, even though it's not stated for you. We're like little babies again, there will always an excuse to make mistake, because we will prevail.

But I hate it, after nearly seven months in here, the fact that I actually was afraid whether or not my coaches picked me merely because I'm an exchange student or because of my determination. You never know whether they really want you or not, and that bothers me. That scares me, to be exact. Because by then, nobody will ever take me seriously for anything that I did.

Gladly, I'm starting to ignore that. There's more things I should have been thinking about.

To be frank, this might be my first time doing team sport with all girls in my life--as I can recall. Even when I used to play basketball, since the girls were so few, we played with the boys as well. When I was swimming or in karate or in tennis, it's always mixed. It kinda shaped my paradigm about how hanging out with girls sort of scaring me since girls are like a back-stabbing knife. You never know what they're thinking about, how they see you, because probably they're not as frank as boys, but most likely, it's because I'm a girl and I know what girls do--which scares me worse.

I might be a friendly person to say Hi to, but I am not  a many-friends person. I get along with people who understand my philosophical views of life and those heavy stuff, instead of random life problems. Most girls that I know talk about random life problems, and only few that actually have the same interest as I do. So when I first played in the softball work-outs, I was as quiet as a breeze. Because I was slightly afraid with the pressure from the ladies that I have no idea what they're thinking about. Again, so far I'm pretty separatist, which I need to work on getting rid of it.

Living under that social fear sometimes made me feel like I'm not myself. I felt like quitting it and go to a much more diversed club so I won't have the same awkwardness with the all-female team. I got distracted by the matter pretty easily and I tried to seek answers.

Humans like to relate coincidences with their life, because we want to feel that the whole world was made only for yourself. As I was googling around some TEDTalks vidoes, I found a video from a speaker whose name started with Amy, and she was talking about body language.

I found this video very interesting because gradually, in the end, she explained about getting fit into a community. She told us story about how she had to "fake" acting like the students in her college until she actually become the student of the college.

See, this actually confused me a bit. Isn't that the way for you to grow is to love where you are and to find who you are, not to be someone else? Isn't that fake till you become it means that you became another person's personality?

Here's how I take it. Achieving success in life does not come by doing what you want to do since the very first beginning. Or shall I rephrase it, start off with passion ONLY. Like what I've written on my English essay, Passion can make your life lively but you cannot live ONLY with you passion. Because world does not actually revolves around you, or even if it does, you will have people who think you are the center--that's how they need you so bad.

By saying Fake It Till You Become It, you have to adapt first to endure the pressure and any obstacles. just like employees in a company. You have to adapt yourself with the condition in order to survive, like Darwin said, survival of the fittest. Then when you have got on hold with your surroundings, you know where you're going, you started to turn things the way you wanted to, because you've learned. So basically you're not losing yourself, it's just you need to put lots of effort to actually gain something. Because again, living is about give and take, because when you sacrifice your effort, you'll gain what you deserve.

So for every one time I was depressed because of the fear being surrounded with girls in a team, I always have a reason to swipe the thoughts away by the fake-it theorem. Because that's one way to be successful in life, you just need to explore more.

*At this point I was so sleepy that I'm afraid I will doodle with it.*

American Surgery

Jauh-jauh ke Amerika, malah kena plantar wart (semacam kutil di kaki).
And moreover, I had to get surgery on it. My first surgery after nearly 18 years with none.

On a Foggy Day in Greensboro

Cute, Handsome, or Sexy?

Me: Hey, Abdul, you look cute today. (He has a nice shoulder length bronze curly hair and he pull it up with hair band, like a girl).

Abdul: No, you don't say that.

Me: Then, 'Hey Abdul, you look handsome today.'

Abdul: No, you don't say that. I look sexy.

Me: 'Hey Abdul, you look sexy today.'

Abdul: YOU DON'T SAY THAT.

Me: I told you, you look cute but you want sexy instead, so...

Abdul: Yeah but it's weird if you're the one who said it.

Such a dilemma for having a beautiful shoulder-length curly hair.