No Going Home

There is no going home.

There is no going back.

There is no same place.

In fact, even tomorrow is different.

The next several seconds are different.

The moment you breath in and out are different.

The city that you left is now different despite the same name.

The people in it are different.

The temperature is different.

The sky line is different.

Nevertheless, you're different.

Instead of going back, you're moving forward.

Instead of going home, you're going to a new place where new adventures await.

Instead of same routine, you're exploring every new chance that life offered in every second.

Instead of thinking, "It's over," you'll be thinking, "Oh, there's another door."

And instead of closing the book, you just add them up.

Because, my dear friends, life is not simply hopping back and forth. It's rolling forward no matter how you try to replay your history.

Because, my friends, what we wish to be eternal, will always be eternal and will keep adding up.

Because, my friends, we have learned how to treasure the present.

Just like the grass that will keep growing upward no matter how passionate you cut them.

...In fact, they may still grow despite you pull them out.

Congratulations, freshly-Graduates!

Congratulations!

The hype of finishing high school is basically everywhere. Despite the fact that I couldn't graduate along my class both in Indonesia and America didn't affect the fact that I'm truly thrilled to be part in the graduation ceremony, although I couldn't be part of the graduation ceremony in Indonesia.

Seeing (most of you) smiles for this somewhat sacred ceremony made me think about what I have graduated myself from. My exchange year. All of you both busy preparing for college, exams, and so on, and us--the exchange students--were busy preparing our departure, getting along with people, getting busy, fulfilling projects, and lastly, preparing to go home.

Despite the major difference of what we're graduating from, there's no doubt that we are finally going to hop in to the other doorstep that will bring us to the other adventure. No, I mean, literally. It's like getting off the toilet seat (I couldn't find a better example). No matter how comfortable you feel, at one point, you have to get up, flush it, go out from the bathroom, and start doing different things.

And that's how's life going to roll. Because in the end, the warm toilet seat that you deeply enjoy will eventually be uncomfortable, the warm, hot shower will start to suffocate you, and the bathroom's temperature will start to go down. And when you finally decide to move on, people around you will notice, that you are committing yourself--ready or not--to the new adventure, by smiling in that stage, receiving your diploma, maybe take some edgy pictures while shaking hands with the principal--made you feel more important once in a while--go down and smile again for the same of your mother's camera, and slowly but confidently, walking towards your seat.

And, and, despite that your moment of importance only lasted for not even five minutes, and now you were seated back to the same seat before you had your moment of importance, just realized that life is changing as easy as walking down the stairs. Life is even changing although you're still sitting on the same seat. And life will not ask your permission to change, because it will roll on, and on, and on.

Whatever that we just have gone through, just one of those small roll-one that is happening in the present soon-to-be past. We may want to make it last longer by taking pictures with friends, having special dinner or whatsoever, fine, do that, but do realize, no matter how hard you want to keep that moment of importance, life is changing. 

And all you need to do is stir where it should go. To become the important present that you valued once. To become the now that you always brag about. Most of all, to be excited of what always happen, that what used to happened.

Anyway, this rambling is mostly because of my excitement of graduations everywhere. For those who are graduating for any educational institutions, great job in finishing one of your great adventure, hope you'll do great in the next adventure, as always. For you, my dear exchange students comrades, congratulations in (nearly) finishing your yet-another great adventure. Another blank book is waiting for us to write, sketch, ramble in it, as that's what exchange students do--we make epic stories. And we mad our present epic, too. Good luck ahead!

For Denisse, Adrian, Jaki, Davidson, Sarah, Sharon, Laura, Pavel, Morgan, Nick, Josh, (another) Sarah, Lena, Tatyana, Cortney, Briana, Kylie, Marshall, Kristen, those whom I can't mention since I'm so terribleat remembering names,

For Ayu, Manda, Khodi, Lidya, Irin, Abduh, Ocha, Ayudew, Tatwadhika, Dika, Erysa, Yoan, Tasha, Jo, Maudi, Adit, Deandra, Dita, Kiput, Muthi, Syifa, Endah, all #fiesta, #simaung, debaters,

For all Class of 2013 around the world,

And especially for you, my fellow exchange students,

Have a (yet-another) great adventure!

First Blizzard

It was 7 pm at night. Feels weird indeed. It just felt like bunch of hardened messy rain that's quite slippery. You just feel it hits your face but you can't really see the whiteness of it since it's night and it's dark already.

Indeed, this is my first snow. I am happened to grow up in a tropical island, and being able to be an exchange student to a four seasons country such as America made me realize that there's a lot of new things that I should experience to call my life a life. Some Americans don't even realize that some of their experiences might become priceless to some people. Including me.

The news was spreading really fast. Tomorrow is supposed to be my last midterm, Art and Honors Anatomy. I haven't studied at all. I was just waiting on the couch for that right moment when my host mother said it's snowing.

And there she was, saying that her car was covered with snow. I immediately ran to my room, grab jacket, hat, gloves, boots, and ran outside with my camera, of course with my host sister. I asked her to film me having my first snowy experience. She filmed it alright, along with my camera getting wet. It was the first time I had an idea to buy a waterproof camera. Might consider it later.

We walked quite some time, along the neighborhood (which is quite empty, but it feels peaceful, which is nice). We met some of the children that live on the other house, and they were as excited as I was. I am, right now.

We went back home and started to clean up. I already had some flu, and because of the snow, I had to snort out some mucus again.

And then I decided to walk outside by myself. To feel it.

And I felt it to the core of my bone.
My first snow. First time being hit by the snow flurries. That bright, emptiness feeling. When you see the flakes fall on the street, it looks like the snow is so tender and gentle.

And you couldn't resist not running to the street and feel the drop by your own flesh.
And suddenly you felt it hit your face hard. You can't even open you eyes because it keeps hitting you. White cold ice that magically fell from the sky. It's pitch black, and suddenly it's white.

You hardly can see, but when you try enough, you will finally able to see what is exactly falling from the sky.

Then you feel like the world is stopped for a moment. While the snow keeps hitting you tenderly, you realized that there's a lot of things that have happened in your life that you didn't feel graceful about it yet. Just like millions of Americans who probably hate snow yet they never realized how lucky they are to be born in a land that can be covered with the white, pure fluff blanket called snow.

As simple as being grateful with what surrounds you, life has become wonderful itself.

I cried. I have lived my life for eighteen years and I forgot to be grateful of lots of things that have happened, yet I cried for something that might be usual for most people.

Being in a snow raining was a wonderful experience, especially the first drop to your city. No matter how some people really hate the cold, I loved it, always do, and will always.

So basically... That's what happened when you just had your first snow.

Kangen

Or miss, in English.

For those who may have noticed, I am personally trying to minimize the usage of word miss in case of miss you as a person, not miss as a title that labeling me as an unmarried girl. Woman, fine.

And yes, I want to clarify, I minimize it as small as not using it at all because of certain reasons, but none of those reasons is that I don't miss you at all, especially while being an exchange student. Or I should have done this way back then when I was away for a conference in Copenhagen, Denmark, or when I stayed by myself for the past two years--being away from my parents to go to a high school which has changed my life so far, although I used to resent it--the high school.

Peculiar might describe me better as I am not trying to be cynical about myself. A very hard logically-minded-wannabe person that I even try to eliminate any kind of possibilities for me to lose to most of human's weakness--feelings. Emotions, basically. I am the kind of person who you think doesn't exist in such normal life, such person that you think I have made my life hard when you can make it easy without thinking hard--in some way. No, I'm basically thinking over the action-reaction process in human's life.

Anyway.
A lot of things that seem really easy for us to say or do can actually driven us to destruction, feelings found in the losing side (quoted from Sherlock's Scandal in Belgravia), things that might actually stir us worse than it should. Things that made the condition worse, which is losing to your weakness. Your own side. Some people might think that failing is a good way to achieve success, but failing when you knew the first path to achieve success yet you made that 'I want to try new things' decision and stir things to other way and mess it up, some people call it Taking Risks. I mostly call it an irrational, foolish way to drive your life. I mean, humans have brain not only to make sure you open your mouth when you eat, right? Or your spinal cord, if we're talking about those muscles. We have brains because we were given the chances to choose, to make decision, to think, to pick, and as the human nature we have, pick for the best one.

Way over board, indeed.
Anyway.

Losing to your own weakness, you let yourself being lured to the things that might drive you to that deep cliff of unhappiness. Nothing to achieve, even worse, you can't even stand up. Having something that you tried not to get lured into is like avoiding meat when you're a vegan although you used to love meat with all of your heart content. And the feelings when you finally let yourself get into the trap that you set and let it being visible... Is like the feelings of being slapped by the things you think you can overcome with. The feelings of not being able to even overcome yourself, to pass your limit, to not get lured, make you think that you won't achieve anything. Even the easiest thing that you've set right in front of your eyes is unavoidable, so how come you can achieve great things?

Missing you, some people said, might be so easy to say, less than two seconds to type, less than a second to blurt out. That mankind's natural feeling to long for someone or something that used to hang around them, by their side, wanting them to come back, wanting to go back to the same situation again, is one of the hardest obstacles men have to fight against. It's like... Longing to your comfort zone, again. Longing for parts of your life that has no worry and you know exactly what's happening and you're under control.

Some people said its the most humane thing that connects lots of people (well, my theory). When you said you miss somebody, that words give warmth and comfort, and feelings of being longed, just like mankind, longing and long to be longed, get it?

That's why I'm avoiding the usage of it. Not because I don't want people to see my weakness of longing something or somebody. But because if I do use it, I will keep hitting the same thick wall that made my long, adventurous, peculiar journey pause for long time. It made me waiting, made me standing on the same spot for years. To let myself being lured to the need of comfort zone, like what most likely happen to every exchange student, is like... Failing your exchange year right before you even achieve something. Because being away is not for you to realize that you have such a comfort zone and you can't wait to go back there.

But to realize that life is beyond your comfort zone, to be grateful that God has given you such opportunity to get away from your comfort zone, to aim higher, to be grateful (again) with what you've got before--the past comfort zone, and to always step in to a new, strange, quirky place and make it into your other comfort zone, until, this whole universe has become your comfort zone and you have nowhere to feel afraid or longing for something.

Besides, you can always run to your bedroom if you need one.

Have a wonderful year!

Mainstream

There are some parts of you that you know it's morally right, it's always been, yet it's worldly wrong. And it's you to decide whether you want to stick to one over the other, or vice versa.

One thing I figured out about myself is that I always think people like peace. People like the win-win solution, mutualism. Everybody's happy. The total 100% happiness. I thought everybody wants peace, no one likes war or killing or betrayal or sort of.

...unless I'm being too naive, I did think that's true.

Today's game in my US History class has perfectly proven that hypothesis is wrong, especially in America. Well maybe, everywhere. Yes, like John Lennon's song, You may say I'm a dreamer. I am indeed a dreamer. It's pitiful to know that in such easy situation, people don't even think peace at all.

So, here's the story. We played this pink-green card game called Everybody Can Win. The objective is to get positive result, no matter how big it is. The rule is, our teacher will give us one minute to decide whether we want to use pink or green card--you can discuss it with other team.
If all teams raise up the green card, everybody gets the positive point.
If there's team who raised up green and others pink, the pink ones get the positive, while the green ones get the negative. If all raise the pink one, everybody get negative point.

It's a six rounds games, each round the points are doubled (for example, 1, 2, 4, 8,...)

One tricky thing about this game is that since it's doubling, if you messed up the first five round--get all minus--but then you won the sixth round, you still won by one positive point. But if you won all the first five rounds and messed up the last one, you automatically lose.

I teamed up with my host sister and some other friends. When the game started, I was trying to campaign about using green all the time, since it won't bother any teams, everybody gets points, everybody gets the extra credits. One of my team member grabbed the card and picked the color, which is pink. Ignoring me, he consulted with other groups about which card to pick, since he knows I'm a too I Love Peace, Win-Win Solution person, he decided to take over.

They're crazy. Yes, they are. Nobody can actually be friend. There's no one to cooperate with. Well, I thought there are... Some. But there wasn't any. I was shouting about what's the point of trying to trick others when all of us can win and just play by the advantage. And guess what? Nobody's listening. I feel like an excluded hippie in a such modern world. In a good way, though. Although bad situation.

I was trying to gain trust which I should not be doing in the place based on my observation throughout the room, that no American in that class room you can trust, and tried to grab the card over. Yes, I made a huge mistake, I pulled the green card in the last round, along with one other team, while everyone else took out their pink card. We just got 31 positive points, and suddenly being smashed pretty bad with the 32 negative points.

Everybody, except for the big guy and my host sister, was mad at me. Well, childish mad, not the mad-mad. There's five people in my team, two didn't really care about the game since it's just a game and you can get extra credit else time, the one was freaking mad--like, "I told you to put pink, and hoooo you just keep saying put green, we better gain trust,..."--and he indeed annoyed me so much, while the other one was just being the cheers for the mad one.

It indeed annoyed me, so much. Both of them are in my bus as well, and all of the way home, they just kept buzzing about how I'm being stupid and naive and not strategically smart. I apologized--sincerely--over the matter that they didn't get the easy extra credits. I was laughing hard, to be honest. You know when you get annoyed so much that you just laugh hard because they are indeed hilarious? That happened to me.

The game--titled Everybody Can Win--made me think again about humanity, the restoration. It might be one of the games that I don't like that much.

It made me realize about human true nature. No matter how easy it is to actually win by just letting everybody wins, there are some little part of our human nature that is selfish. No, most of it. Like my host mum said, You were born with selfishness, as you grew older, people teach you to share. Being generous is not a genetic cause, it's a learning experience. What I saw in the game today was not bunch of people wanting to get extra credits--it's people who like to see others suffer, not happy, less fortunate. Less equal. We were born with inequality, superiority. The joy was not getting the extra credit, but seeing people don't get extra credit or even better, get minus. That's human.

I know that I was supposedly using the pink card. There's no way I'd risk my life for less than 25% of success for using the green card, on the very last round, the biggest point, both for negative and positive. It actually made me wondering. What are the reason I decided to use that green card in the very last round other than bothering my other teammate? To gain trust or having solidarity with friends (because there is indeed a team that raised green card)? Or to just try?

A lot of things happened today. I'm glad tomorrow's Friday.

I might be naive, I won't be.

Thanksgiving

Yes, it's already passed, like six days ago.

Before I forget about it.

Last Week's Thursday, the Americans had their annual Thanksgiving celebration. It's basically where people be thankful and be friendly to everybody by inviting them over for some stuffed turkey although my host family had Chicken in Dressing instead and... just be thankful. We invited some people over to have Thanksgiving lunch with us. I had a feast.

...well, come to think of it, Thanksgiving is a bit like Idul Fitri, our Moslem celebration. When we have our Idul Fitri, my mum usually cooks for hundreds portion of food, unusual food. Food that she only makes on big days, like Idul Fitri. We don't really put decorations like Christmas, but we tidy our house, just like Thanksgiving.

It was a wonderful lunch, we had wonderful company coming over as well, and we talked a bunch of stuff... One of them was the Black Friday.

I know, it sounds racist. One of my friend at school always mentions how he doesn't really agree with the term of Black Friday since it sounds so racist, as if only African-American people who come to shop at midnight.

Well, actually, the origin of the name is how in business, black is considered as surplus, you have more profits, and it means your bar of profit was going up up high, to the black level.

Well, anyway. That wasn't my point.

We talked about how this crazy sale day was infecting America. How all the discount coupons came every single day since our Thanksgiving holiday until the Black Friday, bunch of huge advertising papers in the newspaper, so on and so forth.

My mom even knows about it. That famous. I know.

How this Black Friday system works? Basically, they either open the store earlier, like at 12am on Friday, or 4am on Friday. Most of the stuff in those stores are half priced or so I think. People were rage--they were literally running, pushing trolleys, fighting with random people over a half priced bag, some of them might even be stepped on as well.

The crazy commercial in a free country. Huh.

Funny thing is, it's so ironically true that the day before the Black Friday, it was Thanksgiving. Yes, the day to be grateful of life. To be thankful of what we have. To feel blessed and enough.

And yet, not even a blink, those peaceful thoughts about being thankful suddenly disappeared, along with the rage, ambitious, hungry shopaholic people who have been consuming all the advertisement, not even remembering their prayer for the Thanksgiving lunch or dinner anymore. They might not think about the prayer at all when they had their Thanksgiving meal. Maybe, Black Friday is their prayer.

Ironically, true. People change over things like flipping coins. That fast.
No offense, I'm just voicing out random stuff.

Be Tough

Tahu kan, tipe orang yang cemas berlebihan?

I am one of the person who thinks too much. I might think about tomorrow more than enjoying what I do today. I look over people's grieves over mine, I pay less attention to my own happiness... Seldom.

Anyway.

I might be the what-if person who'll ruin your daily hopes by raising such questions in your every premise. Yes, even to my own premises.

Another anyway.

Being an exchange student made me raise those what-if questions. What if I failed the class? What if something happened to me? What if I don't have any friends? What if something happened to my family? What if I have troubles with my host family?

What if?

One of my what-if seems come true... Although it doesn't happen to me. One of my wonderful friend whom I don't wish to share the name since I didn't write this in the person's concern, just lost his father... Back in our country, Indonesia, while being away in here, America.

No, I do not wish talk about him. What I feel, that's what you'll read.

To be precise, that premise is also one of my concerns. What if... One of family members die? What if... I'd be totally clueless.

One thing I had in mind regarding others is that I always try imagining people's feelings in myself. What if it happens to me?

First thing that happened, I cried. Silently, literally. It's 12 AM! The sadness suddenly creeped my skin, letting me imagining my own possibility. I am afraid of losing anyone in my family, I'm even afraid of losing anybody that I know, because the picture of death scares me. Not knowing what might happen to you... Too many what-if questions I can barely ask to myself.

I thought i was delusional, thus I tried to look for more infos. And it is... Confirmed. I cried again.

What if I'm him?

Well, to be frank... I don't know.
I don't know whether I should be sad and ask to go home because my family is so important for me, or should I stay here--finishing my exchange year--because I know my father would be disappointed with me not being responsible with my scholarships, or should I act tough in front of people, or should I just let my emotions drive me, or anything else?

I know none.

If I were him... I might not be him. All of the uncertain emotions are mixed up pretty well. The fact that I know none... The fact that I'm imagining how he feels... Made me pretty messed up, by any means emotionally sad... Like super sad. Like, theCarol of The Bells song being played over and over again. I love the song, but it's... Gloomy. Pretty much

I envy you, dear friend. I might not be able to do what you do now nor understand how you feel, but I tried, really.

Innaillaihi wa innailaihi rojiun. May Allah SWT bless your father. Even though I never met him... Officially, I know he's a wonderful man, just like you.

I might know nothing, but may you be tough.

Re-wait for it-lationship

Okay. Here’s the deal.

After watching two consecutive Christmas movies in Hallmark, I realized that the two movies shared some pretty common points of scenes, which are:

1. The fact that both girls were used to have a long relationship with some not ideal men for years and suddenly BOOM the dream, perfect men came, just like that. Ruined things I prefer make things right, though.

2. The boyfriends said the exact same thing to the ideal men, which is “Fate and I are engaged last night” or the other girl’s name—which I’ve forgotten.

3. There’s some third party that always motivates the girl to choose the ideal men over the I-already-know-you guy.

THEN
I had some sort of short debate with my host sister over having a relationship. Both of us have a total different point of view about life, although both of us agree about basic norm stuff at life.

She was trying to say that it makes no sense for her that the girl chose over the guy whom she only met for days or weeks over the man that she’s been dating for couple years, which she mig have known him better. From her perspective, that just doesn’t seem realistic. There’s no way a lady can easily fall for some random guy over the man who constantly tries to love her to the fullest.

I tried to rebut her by saying that, I guess in finding your soulmate, it doesn’t mean that the one you’ve stayed with is better or more promising than the one you just met yesterday, as long as the chemistry’s there. Even if you know someone for ten years, you might have been happier with the guy you just met last month rather than the one you’ve spent your whole five years with.

What I’m trying to say is that relationship is some sort of gambling. There’s no certainty in falling in love or looking for your soulmate. You can’t be certain that you’ll be happier with somebody you knew for years. You can’t be certain you’ll be happy with the one you just met either. None of them is better nor worse.

Remember the Love at First Sight term? If it does exist, let it be, for the people who tries to really look hard in the world for that very first sure glimpse of your soulmate in the corner street. As those people started to get commitment and marry, it doesn’t mean they found the perfect one. It’s just they’re ready to take chances, as they think that they finally want to start their new journey, as they’re thorough with the seeking game.

Love at First Sight? It doesn’t always mean it’s forever and ever and that’s it. I mean, after you let the man you’ve been dating with for years go and now you decided to pursue the guy you think suits you, it doesn’t mean you’ll get married with him right away, right? You will go through those introduction process, knowing each other moments, happy and hard time, or probably, a new encounter.

I’d rather be with someone who attracts me better than sticking my nose on the I’d rather be with you since I know you better theorem and be with the guy that I’m not sure I’ll be happy with JUST BECAUSE I met him much longer than that yesterday guy. No, I’d rather be with myself, taking chances. Not staying behind, regretting every moment of my decision because of the cowardice I had when I made those decision.

LOOK,
I’m no expert in relationship. But I’m pretty sure I know what I’m going to do if I ever had some sort of situation, especially I’m looking for the spark of chemistry between humans. I might say I am not that not knowledgable enough to be lured with the anxiety and discouragement of taking chances.

So, at the very end, I said “it’s better for me to cut off my tie with the guy I’m not sure of rather than staying with him because of the time.”

And my host sister insisted that I would not want to sleep with the guy I just met two days ago and date him.

I don’t think I’m that desperate to just date the guy I met two days ago only based on my Love At First Sight moment. I’m not sure that’s the ending for rejecting your five years long boyfriend for the guy you just met two days ago.

I told you I’m not good at this.

Born To Die... Really

I stumbled upon some Youtube videos yesterday, terribly-accidentally stumbling Justin Bieber ft. Nicki Minaj new MV, well that’s the bad highlight of the search,

Well then I stumbled on Lana Del Rey’s song called Ride. It’s a pretty complicated song, not my type at all, and her MV was pretty… Bold. I guess.

Then I decided to google her, and I found out that her album is titled Born To Die. Hem… Pretty interesting.

That crossed my mind again. I mean, every human—no exception at all, since I’m not sure about vampires and alchemists—will eventually die. It might become your greatest fear, but again, you’ll eventually come to a stage in your life where you’d say, “I’ve had enough, I’m ready for the new world.”

But again, have you ever wondering, instead of living some hard-happy years and then die, why don’t we just die in the first place? Or, better yet, why we should be born in the first place.

Nice question, huh?

I’m not trying to educate people here, I’m just happened to love talking about my philosophical idea of living—moral perfection, as what we’ve learnt today from the English Class about Benjamin Franklin. Frankly speaking, it’s not about moral perfection at all, I just like saying it.

Ahem.

Then again, as I was saying, why didn’t we have that simplicity to go straight not living at all than enduring those horrible-happy years.

Simple answer. Because experiencing is much more important than dying itself. I think basically, the main reason why we need to go through the tough life before dying—which some people decided to die unnaturally by committing suicide since they’re not that happy—because it gave you different feelings about ending a journey. I mean, as simple as feeling it, that’s why it’s that important that we can’t actually skip the living process.

You’ll have certain fondness to certain memories, hatred to some stuff and people, passions for people and activities, story to be sent over as legacy for others—basically an entertainer. Is to make sure that we left with legacy, the one that’ll mark our journey, to be remembered, to give the certain pleased and proud feelings.

It’s as simple as enjoying a book by digesting the whole story of it rather than going straight to the last page—or even worse, the epilogue. Or Wikipedia.

As simple as the joy of beating the eggs, mixing the flour and butter, wait for it to be perfectly baked, rather than go straight to the market and buy a pretty nice looking cake.

That simple feelings that you can’t actually describe either by English or Bahasa, or any language in this world.
The complicated feeling that human craves for—basically, the feelings of experiencing and leaving trail.

We—humans—are pretty complicated, aren’t we?

Nope, Not Lucky, Nor Talented

First thing first.

I got accepted to the “National Art Honor Society” in Western Guilford High School!
…No, it’s nothing really cool for some of you but probably one of my just-getting-started achievements and it’s really COOL for me, following my lifetime achievements even when I didn’t realize I’ve achieved them,

One funny thing is, my Art class is on 5th period, and my art teacher happened to ask the class about one of the Western’s teacher room, and that teacher is happened to be my sixth period teacher. Hem, what a coincidence. And I accidentally saw my name on a certificate-something. What a bummer for me, for not being able to get the hundred percent surprise. But I’m still grateful and happy. Alhamdulillah.

A very bright, yellow sunflower goes along with the certificate, and it’s my third flower of my life. Isn’t that lovely. First flower from Miss Jane, second one from Miss Judy, third one from Miss Gagnon.

I am happy, but that’s not what I’m trying to say here.

Some people think I’m so blessed, I’m so talented and nearly spotless—but I do have spots. Joking. Some people never see me as regular since they think I’m able to do stuff. Drawing, coloring, doing math (since I’m literally not good at doing physics), socialize, and other stuff. Some people think I should be more grateful with what I have now.

And sadly, they never heard about my story behind those chattering.

No, no, I’m not lucky. I am blessed with such a wonderful family, though. And I always think, you can make your own wonderful family. It’s not the job of your parents, you can actually be the butterfly of the family, to think that your family is wonderful.

No, I told you. I am not lucky. Nor talented.

I came to this stage of my life, where I’ve been way back before, even before you thought about starting a journey. No, I am not talented at drawing, I’m just happened to able to use what I had back then when I was in kindergarten, I’ve been through years learning of how to do it, failing and losing at competitions, only to get a set of crayons.

No, I am not talented at doing sport, I’m just happened to like doing it and I started to do it constantly. Become a habit. So it is not a talent. It’s something I’ve implemented way years ago.

No, I am not smart kid, I’m just happened to live in a circumstances where I have two siblings and they need a better attention from my parents rather than I do. And I hated losing. I hated feeling inferior, because it’s hard to get back on track. Although now, feeling inferior and losing are two different issue.

So I survive. Just like those black butterflies in the Industrial Revolution at England. They survive, by failing and dying for years. And it’s not yet the cherry of the cream.

But I do have efforts. And I don’t like to feel unsatisfied, because there’s no greater feeling than to have what you want to finish to be done.

Just like this writing.

So no, I am not lucky nor talented. I’m just happened to be an effortless and highly-passionate person that lives on Earth.

Happened to.

Gratefulness

First of October, and it’s Monday, and it’s chill. I love the chill.
In fact, I started to love the breeze. Allergy is nothing compare to my excitement.

Although that’s not the point of this.

Some people said you only live your life once, you only become and exchange student once, and you only experienced the feelings of living on other’s land once—unless you decided to continue your college at that place. But anyway, once you felt it, that feeling will only come once. The feelings, not the events.

I mean, you can always be an exchange student no matter how old you are, right? You can always find ways to repeat the same events, but not the same feelings.

Some people, I presume, said that you have to appreciate that one year living in a total awkwardness that eventually becomes a familiar surroundings.

As if the other years of your life (as for mine, my other seventeen years) sound like they’re useless. Unmemorable. Unimportant. Not fun. Not okay. Not me.

Here’s one funny thing about human. We never see usual things special. Never. That’s how our mind is used to work. We always differentiate “usual” and “special”, as if those two things will never hang out with each other. Like your life, isn’t it?

The other seventeen years seems normal, like an usual human daily life, while the ‘special’ year seems so different. Glowing brightly by itself among the common stars.

I may sound very philosophical, and yes, I am proud of it. I may not realized how I can always treasure my life no matter where I am, but I do now.

By any means, life every year of your life as if you’re in a total different situation. Put yourself as if there’s no tomorrow to repeat the same things again. Come back to your country and make everyday worth living, like how you appreciate your every second while you’re away. Have new feelings everyday no matter where you are, whom you’re with.

And sometimes, it doesn’t require your “I am an exchange student” badge to realize those beautiful feelings that we mostly passed since we’re looking to the shiny diamond among the rocks, not trying to see any diamonds within the rocks themselves.

See, life is daring, beautiful, and fun in every way, if you know how to see through it. Appreciate it. Make an effort to put the special spices on every occasion, not only the limited occasion. You don’t need a repeated event to have the same feelings. You only need to feel grateful to make another great feelings.

As life is not a repetition, but it’s growing.

Dina P. Sari
5.30 PM GMT-7

One Month and 25 Days

Greensboro Map - (c) duke.edu

... Or so.
I'm not really really fond of counting, but yes, this feels like a new chapter, a new identity in a new land, so I guess I should be counting.

Shortly, here am I, sitting on my princess-like bed on a 3x3 meters bedroom with yellowish lamp dimming romantically, literally. It's 30th of September. The very last day of my favorite month, September. Why? It's simple, it's my birthmonth. And I guess September is the most classy, elegant month out of all, but of course... All people think their birthmonth is great. You have your opinion, then.

Anyway, yes, this feels like a dream, if anyone ask whether I want to pinch myself, and YES, I do. Because it doesn't feel real, at all.

For anyone who doesn't know what's happening right now, RIGHT NOW I am an exchange student from YES scholarship program to USA, and currently being hosted by a wonderful fairy-godparent of America in Greensboro, North Carolina.

And if you try to look back to the past one and a half year, this life indeed feels like fairy tale. A possibility that doesn't cross your mind. A dream that seems afar yet when you're there... It doesn't feel any different. Which scares me, a lot.

I guess it's nearly two months. Yes, you feel like you're in a espionage movie, where you moved to a new place and start over, as a new person, with history you'd like to forget. And no, I don't want to forget my history, since I'm not in an espionage movie.

Things are different, that's the first thing I can tell. And you barely can tell more, since you don't even know how to tell more. Indeed.

I'm used to live in solitude, since I lived like that for the past two years, and it does seem a bit awkward to suddenly move in to a family, a whole lot different family with yours, with a new sister you have to understand with, and accept.

Back then, you thought that you only need 'this' amount of courage to be able to live such a faded yet real life in other's country. It feels like fun. It feels like dream comes true.

It is indeed a fairy tale, since the progress is indeed like a fairy tale. Sad, rough, hard. Some people, though.

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said that you can find reason from peace and solitude. And another one, you can find reason when you're away. Away from your familiar surroundings. Away from the things that determine yourself. And indeed, being far away from your familiar made your realize stuff. New things. The depth of your personality.

Being an exchange student doesn't mean you get all the happiness. I am lucky, since I'm used to live by myself. I'm used with the solitude, in fact I feel awkward with the group. Some people are craving for  the familiar, and I'm not.

Let me share you a secret. Smart people may have passed the tests to be an exchange student, but only the GENIUSES that can survive. It's a survival test. What you had before is nothing compare of being an exchange student. Mark my word, a genius.

Have you ever seen the famous paragraph of an exchange student?
"How do you know what dream is, when you never achieved one?"
Yes, that is just so true.

Being an exchange student is like a dream come true. It changes you, not by a year, but since the first day you stepped on other's land, you've changed. Everybody changes. And for those who said you changed... They just don't have a mirror to see their daily changes.

Be an exchange student. It may not make you feel superior, but at least you're superior from your old self. You stepped further.

And believe me, being an exchange student has nothing to do with being wiser.
Just be. Like I started this journey, one and a half year ago.


Dina P. Sari 8.35 PM

Partnership Village

I always try to feel grateful for the gifts that Allah has presented to me throughout my whole eighteen years of living, and I feel like being blessed by my surroundings.

Again, I got another great chance to be able to visit a different community within my American life. The church where my host parents goes to has a Partnership Village that they assist for years. The term "Partnership" means that the church tries to help fund the development of the community and sometimes help sponsoring some family by loaning them place to stay with low pay while they're searching for a new home.

I had a great experience in the Partnership Village. Both me and Aizada went there for the first time and met wonderful little kids around seven or six that being dropped by their parents there, since their parents have to work night shift or else.

If I were to tell you about what I saw that day... I wouldn't. Everything is hard to explain, because you can see from all of the kids' faces about how hard their life is and how they appreciate the fun times they spent with the church. Finding the children with church.

Anyway,
I felt being blessed more by Allah through the opportunity of visiting three and knowing them through their story.

We were playing a short play about Lazarus that's being brought back from death, and the lady from the church then discussed about it with the children. What so sad was when a little kid said,
"My father died but he didn't come back to life..."

I was startled and quiet for a moment. How sometimes those simple honest words from a little kid can hurt you so bad...

To me, nothing is more saddening than seeing somebody suffer yet they don't mind sharing it.

Like seeing those little kids sharing their loves without knowing how people feel pity about it.

America is not that fully prosper country, if anyone out there is interested to know. There are some people in here that have hard time with their life, and yes, we--Indonesians--do have too.

Grateful. The simplest thing on Earth you can do to make your life better. And stop thinking about it, believe me.

Sentiment Issue

Most people think I already have my ideal condition of physical appearances. I am proud of my own body, that is true. Though I think it’s pretty common for a normal human to feel unsatisfied with their own physical appearances. In this case, I’d use those unsatisfied feelings as a motivation. Yes, I’m bragging about this on my blog. 

You see, for most Indonesian people, having more than 1.6 meter height has been considered as tall enough. But, another fact came up, the percentage of petite women using wedges and high heels —any related kind of shoes I never be able to stand against— and how those killer and seems to be pretty yet horrified me terribly shoes have gained height up until 20cm has scared me so much. 

I never like using high heels. And the only type I know is wedges and high heels, yet both of them are HIGH heels. Yes, the image of me wearing them always horrified me, and they’re such a pain. My family history never has good relation with those type of shoes, as my Mum never takes the liking on them. Thus, it’s pretty normal if I wished to wear normal shoes (not that I was trying to imply that high heels is abnormal). 

But another problem raised up. The fact that people around me started to get taller —thanks to the killer shoes— yet I’m stuck in my height, miserably trying to get a look when I’m in the middle of a concert —yet everyone was THAT tall, and somehow, I looked like I am indeed petite. 

Height has always been my sentiment issue. Most. Top of the list, even before my thigh. 

And then I googled some clothing website, and they categorized women into two groups: PETITE (5’4” and Under) and TALL (5’10” and Up). I googled an online feet to meter converter and guess what, I was included in PETITE group. 

Nice, dude, seriously. Whoever made that website, I’ll prove it to you. At least I might get into NORMAL size. I still have several years to raise some inches. I’LL GAIN MY HEIGHT SO I WON’T USE HIGH HEELS! 

ps. the fact that I actually wrote this down on blog is indeed crazy. And random.

Mind Your Own Business

I've grown to be less temperament towards stuff.

And problems.

Especially when it comes to leadership.

I knew myself as a bit temperament and ambitious several months ago, and I have come to a conclusion that for some people, those stuff don't work as good as I expected it would. You need to go beyond what they think you would do. And you even have to go as far as manipulating yourself for their sake. You implemented a new image by hiding those vile thoughts under the beauty of camouflage. In the end, the one who holds the enemies' King is the winner.

Or I thought so.

I've come to a very new environment where being strict and hard sometimes don't work. You know how people are so different with you are and you need to work with them. You know how much these people won't follow how you rule and keep (mostly) whining about things simply because you don't give that image of leader that they're longing for.

I got new for you, then.

I'm not trying to be your "ideal" leader. I'm not trying to be someone who will simply consider a person as a part of something when they don't even willing to sacrifice things to be the part of something. I'm not trying to fill a part of your soul as your ideal leader. Bad news, huh?

I've tried to overcome my old-self several months ago. How I used to whine when things get hard, cry when everything depressed me, doing some secret talks with friends about how hard my life was. No, I've come to a realization that now, I'm used to laugh over things. How some people keep whining while those people, perhaps, don't know how it feels to stand in my place, now. To face all of those problems, now. To be me, for now.

And I'm not asking them to understand how it feels. I'm being sinister, yes indeed. They don't know how sinister I am if I never tell them how I always look into problems. How I always look into things and such. My world, right now, has taught me so many things which always distract me from being depressed. No one in this life you can ever trust to even understand what kind of circumstances you have under your skin. Your flesh. That keeps haunting you days and nights.

Those people don't understand how it feels like to be you. How it feels to be haunted ever since you're awoken from you sleep and even in your dreams. How it feels when everyone who's once supported you feels disappointed and in the same moment, everyone that you're leading feels disappointed with you. How some people still use their ego up until now.

I'm using my ego to overcome problems. I have pride to not to cry over things that have stressed the hell out of me. Some people just won't understand how. Some people can only point to some things that they think it was right. Some people can only judge someone based on things that they think it was wrong and hateful.

Some people can never see things from our perspective. Keep that in mind.

Some people can never see things through our circumstances.

Some people can never be us.

If I were as ego-ful as they are, I might simply say, "They don't understand how it feels to be depressed by these things. They don't understand what kind of people we're facing right now. They don't understand how it feels to be me. They don't know how hard my life is."

Good news, people. I'm not asking you to understand. Because I know how some people will never understand how my brain has processed things.

So please mind your own business, I'll mind mine as well.

Have You?

I feel extremely pathetic.

It is not wise, indeed, for clinging up after ages. We used to be close. And I got the sparks. Yes, I did.

But then we parted, the moment when I used to think, “Right, this is life. Things pass and go.”

But sadly, that moment didn’t last. Because I knew the sparks. And they’re still there.

It’s grumbling down my world when I realized you nearly ignore me. Notice me, for God’s sake! Nearly everything revolves around me is connected with your presence. It does hurt me badly, but I love it anyway.

I keep repeating the past. How we interact, talk, meeting eyes accidentally (or I just hoped that you’re keeping an eye for me?). How I really hope that the future has got something that I truly wish, which is a reunion. A better development. Greater sparks.

How I truly wish that these sparks are not only in me.

It may represent a stalker, but I do follow you. Even when people pass and go, in the end, I realize that you are what I wish for tomorrow. Above all of those ambitious dreams, you are what I want to reach.

And I do hope you are thinking the whole same thing, for this whole time.

Dear You, somewhere on this Earth.

Jangan Pisahkan Kami!

Salah satu topik hangat yang cukup menjadi perdebatan di kalangan siswa SMAN 3 Bandung angkatan 2013 adalah masalah "Pemisahan Kelas". Ya, masalah ini sudah cukup menjadi rutinitas sekolah di tingkat menengah pertama bahkan sekolah dasar. Saya pun baru mulai memikirkannya di SMA ini. Angkatan kami yang menggunakan sistem SKS pada awal semester dua sudah dipecah lagi, padahal konkritnya, sebuah kelas seharusnya utuh hingga pergantian tahun ajaran. Nyatanya, kami baru mulai menjalin kedekatan, dan tiba-tiba dipisah kembali.

Di kelas baru pun, saya sempat merasakan ketidaknyamanan luar biasa, karena beberapa hal, seperti:

1. Saya bukan orang asli Bandung, sehingga belum ada yang benar-benar kenal.
   
2. Yang berasal dari kelas sebelumnya juga tidak terlalu banyak.
   
3. Saya baru masuk setelah dua hari izin sakit.
   
   

Berdasarkan beberapa pertimbangan itu, saya sempat merasa kecewa karena minggu pertama saya terasa begitu membosankan, hingga saya nyaris terus bergaul dengan teman-teman dari kelas terdahulu.

Dan tanpa saya sadari, kelas saya saat ini menjadi salah satu kelas terbaik yang pernah saya tempati, sudah bisa menyeimbangi posisi kelas 9F di hati saya. Tipikal kelas yang saya tempati biasanya selalu ribut, terkadang sulit untuk merasa respect kepada guru yang tidak bisa membuat kami merasa respect, kritis dan aktif. Tipe kelas yang sedari dulu selalu saya tempati.

Kami bahkan punya nama kelas yang cukup kece, Simaung. Kami bahkan sudah membuat jersey kelas yang tidak kalah kece. Semakin banyak ke-kece-an di kelas kami yang membuat saya semakin jatuh hati dan semakin menyayangkan bila kami harus dipisah, lagi.

Dan sekarang sudah mendekati akhir kelas satu, akhir tahun ajaran 2010/2011. Satu-satunya hal yang membuat saya stress: Masalah Pemecahan Kelas.

Awalnya, saya mendengar ada beberapa kelas yang mengalami masalah kelas dan tidak nyaman, meski rumornya, sekarang masalah tersebut sudah berkurang dan keakraban masing-masing kelas sudah mulai terjalin. Meski saya terlihat sangat biasa, tapi perlu ditekankan lagi bahwa Masalah Pemecahan Kelas

ini menjadi hal yang cukup menekan saya selama beberapa minggu terakhir.

Beberapa alasan yang seharusnya kita pertimbangkan mengenai mengapa kelas seharusnya tidak dipecah lagi adalah berikut:

1. Kita adalah siswa SMA yang tidak perlu lagi didikte dan dibantu lagi oleh pihak sekolah dalam menjalin keharmonisan kelas. Keselarasan dan kekompakan kelas hanya bisa dan sekali lagi, hanya bisa, diciptakan oleh penghuninya sendiri, tidak peduli bagaimana guru ikut campur. Bukan berarti kelas yang asyik karena di kelas tersebut ada anak-anak yang hobi melawak, sehingga kondisi kelas terasa selalu menyenangkan. Bukan, kondisi kelas yang harmonis sekali lagi bergantung pada penghuninya, baik mayoritas maupun minoritas.
   
   
2. Pemikiran bahwa berada di kelas yang terlihat kompak dan ramai akan jauh lebih mengasyikkan dari kelas yang saat ini menurut saya sangat salah, karena sekali lagi, kelas yang ramai hanya bisa diciptakan karena penghuninya yang berkeinginan untuk menciptakan kondisi seperti itu. Bukan jaminan bila kita masuk ke dalam kelas yang menurut pandangan kita sangat seru, maka kelas itu akan sama harmonisnya dan kompaknya dengan kita tidak masuk. Peranan setiap penghuni sangat berpengaruh dalam menciptakan kondisi kelas, dan kelas yang menurut kita menyenangkan belum tentu cocok dengan diri kita, karena sekali lagi, tergantung dari kita yang menciptakan kondisi.
   
   
3. Pemisahan kelas menandakan bahwa kita hanya bisa lari dari masalah kelas yang kurang harmonis, dan tanpa usaha untuk menyesuaikan diri, kita lebih memilih untuk diacak kembali. Padahal, kelas yang kompak dan harmonis membutuhkan waktu dan proses dalam usaha meraih kondisi tersebut. Mungkin ada kelas yang cepat meraih kondisi yang kompak karena penghuninya menginginkan hal tersebut, ada juga yang lambat karena penghuninya masih berusaha membuka diri dan membutuhkan titik di mana mereka semua dapat terbuka satu sama lain.
   
   
4. Kelas yang harmonis tidak selamanya harmonis dan kompak. Ada kalanya di saat kita sudah terbiasa satu sama lain, kekesalan yang sempat terpendam memuncak dan mulai muncul perasaan kesal satu sama lain. Di saat seperti inilah yang menjadi puncak di mana kita bisa merasakan suka-duka dari berkeluarga di kelas. Semakin banyak masalah yang dihadapi, semakin banyak penyelesaian yang dihasilkan, semakin kuat pula ikatan warganya. Analogikan saja seperti keluarga, tidak selamanya senang dan bahagia, tapi dengan adanya masalah, suatu keluarga pun akan semakin kuat ikatan batinnya.
   
   
5. Bila kita merasa iri dengan keharmonisan kelas lain, pikirkanlah cara agar Kita bisa menciptakan kondisi kelas yang lebih mengasyikkan dari kelas tersebut, bukan malah terpuruk dan merasa tidak betah. Bila merasa berbeda, Ubah menjadi yang lebih baik. Bila merasa kurang aktif, Berusaha menjadi lebih aktif. Bila merasa kurang ramai, Kondisikan kelas menjadi lebih mengasyikkan. Kita tidak bisa bergantung pada orang lain untuk menciptakan sesuatu yang kita inginkan, Kita yang membuat apa yang kita inginkan!
   
   
6. Beberapa pemikiran yang mengatakan bahwa kalau kelas tidak dipecah, maka kita tidak akan bisa akrab dengan satu angkatan, menurut saya pemikiran yang kurang tepat untuk anak SMA. Bung, Kita bukan anak kecil lagi! Di saat masa sekolah dan gejolak remaja memuncak di masa SMA, sudah saatnya kita mulai meresapi maksud dari keluarga di sekolah. Apa keuntungan dari berteman dengan semuanya, tapi tidak ada satupun di antara mereka yang kita benar-benar merasa nyaman, yang menerima kita sepenuhnya, dan sudah melewati suka-duka bersama? Ujung-ujungnya, pemisahan kelas secara rutin hanya akan menciptakan pribadi yang individualis, tidak peduli dengan rekannya, karena sekolah sudah mengkondisikan kita untuk berdiri sendiri, berinteraksi sendiri. Memang baik berteman dengan semua, tapi akan lebih menyenangkan bila kita bisa benar-benar dekat dengan warga kelas, sehingga setidaknya, ada komunitas yang benar-benar menerima dan mengerti kita, layaknya sahabat dan keluarga.
   
   
7. Kalau masih ada yang merasa ingin dipisah, mari kita lihat mayoritas dan minoritas, dalam artian bahwa, dalam suatu negara, keinginan mayoritas tetap diikuti dengan menjamin hak asasi kelompok minoritas. Bagi mereka yang begitu ingin memisahkan diri dari kelas dan ternyata termasuk kelompok minoritas, seharusnya bisa memikirkan juga efek dari memaksakan kehendak yang sudah berlawanan dengan mayoritas. Toh, meski misalnya, kelompok mayoritas yang mendapat suara, hak minoritas akan tetap terjamin, karena kehidupan sekolah layaknya suatu negara. Jangan lupa pula, di saat kita memikirkan hak kita sebagai mayoritas, ada poin-poin penting di atas yang perlu kita usahakan dan pikirkan lagi sebagai kewajiban kita sebagai warga, bukan mayoritas atau minoritas.
   
   
8. Dan berjuta alasan lain mengapa kelas sebaiknya tidak dipisah.
   
   

Yang ingin saya tekankan sekali di sini adalah:

Kita yang menciptakan apa yang kita inginkan, bukan guru, sekolah, atau orangtua. Berhenti melihat dan berusaha menjadi bagian sesuatu dan mulailah MENCIPTAKAN kondisi yang kita inginkan. Kondisi kelas atau kondisi apapun bergantung kepada PENGHUNInya, bukan guru, sekolah, atau orangtua. Jangan mengeluh dan berhenti merasa iri, karena belum tentu apa yang kita harapkan sesuai dengan apa yang kita rasakan, karena sekali lagi, USAHA DAN PROSES MEMPENGARUHI HASIL.

Semoga hal di atas membawa manfaat bagi murid sekolah siapapun yang membaca dan menjadi renungan kita untuk memikirkan hal-hal bahwa kita bukan lagi anak kecil.

Ya, mungkin terkesan berlebihan karena saya membahas hal semacam ini, tapi sekali lagi, ini usaha saya untuk mencapai apa yang saya impikan, begitu juga dengan yang seharusnya kalian lakukan.

Thanks before for your great attention, and please consider these stuffs better,

Good night.

 

Sincerely,

Dina Puspita Sari

Untuk Mereka yang Menunggu

“A father is a fellow who has replaced the currency in his wallet with the snapshots of his kids.”

Di dunia ini, tidak ada yang sama dengan yang manusia harapkan. Atau perkirakan. Manusia bukanlah makhluk serba tahu yang mampu memprediksikan hal-hal yang dianggapnya benar.

Anggapan semacam itu wajar terlintas dalam pikiran anak remaja seumuran saya atau kamu yang saat ini sedang berada di ambang gejolak emosinya. Pikiran kita selalu terasa yang paling benar, dan tentu saja, milik orangtua lah yang tersalah. Terkadang banyak remaja yang berpikiran, "Mengapa orangtuaku tidak bisa mengerti keinginanku?"

Atau kebalikannya. Orangtua seringkali menghela napas setiap kali berargumen dengan anak-anaknya, saya dan kamu. Mereka, para orang dewasa yang sedang berada di puncak keletihannya, setiap saat berusaha untuk menarik anak-anaknya lebih dekat lagi. Lebih banyak orangtua akan berpikiran, "Mengapa anak-anakku tak mengerti bahwa aku tahu yang terbaik untuknya?" selagi menarik anak-anak mereka yang berusaha kabur.

Tulisan ini, tidak dengan maksud menyulut pro dan kontra antara kedua belah pihak di dalam keluarga. Tulisan ini, sekedar pengingat bagi diri saya dan kamu yang saat ini hanya berperan sebagai anak. Tidak ada niat menggurui, hanya berbagi.

Suatu sore, dengan hujan yang cukup deras, saya berada di atas angkot, menunggu hingga sang supir memutuskan untuk berangkat. Keadaan di dalam angkot sangat lembap, tapi masih jauh lebih baik dari kedinginan di luar sana.

Di tengah rasa mengantuk yang luar biasa, saya harus tetap siaga dengan penumpang baru, dengan alasan keselamatan dan lain-lain. Tiba-tiba, naik seorang bapak-bapak paruh baya berbaju batik, tanpa tas atau jaket.

Beliau hanya membawa sebuah kotak yang tidak saya ketahui isinya dan ditutupi oleh koran. Sang bapak, dengan wajahnya yang tampak letih namun antusias, menyeka air-air di atas koran yang membungkus kotak tersebut, terlalu bersemangat hingga saya heran melihatnya.

Kotak itu tidak terlihat istimewa, warnanya kuning, dan saat saya melihatnya, kotak itu langsung mengingatkan saya pada kotak konsumsi yang biasa dibagikan dalam acara-acara formal.

Saya lalu menatap bapak itu lagi. Wajahnya masih menunjukkan kecemasan dan antusias yang tinggi, sambil tangannya dengan tekun mengeringkan koran yang membasahi kotak tersebut.

Seketika itu saya terdiam. Mungkinkan bapak ini membawakan kotak itu untuk dimakan bersama dengan keluarganya? Atau ada sesuatu di dalamnya yang membuat beliau begitu menghargai kotak tersebut, hingga rela membasahi korannya?

Kebanyakan orang akan berpikir bahwa beliau adalah pria kantoran yang terburu-buru untuk pulang dan kembali ke kantor lagi. Tapi, dalam benak saya, yang terlintas adalah sosok ayah saya. Mungkinkah beliau pernah melakukan hal yang sama? Membawakan sesuatu yang sangat saya sukai dengan penuh semangat? Apa yang ayah saya harapkan saat membawakan barang itu pada saya? Ucapan terima kasih kah? Pelukan kah? Atau senyuman saya kah?

Lalu saya termenung lagi. Apa yang saat itu saya berikan pada ayah saya saat beliau membawakan barang yang saya sukai? Merebutnya kah? Kabur begitu saja? Atau malah memaki beliau karena membawakan yang tidak saya sukai?

Menurut saya:

"A father is someone who wished to be greeted with hugs and kisses from his children; and when he doesn't, he will still come to his children and give them kisses and hugs."

Saya yakin, tidak ada ayah, atau orangtua, yang tidak menginginkan kasih sayang dari anak-anak mereka, ekspektasi dari mereka, saya dan kamu. Dan bila mereka tidak mendapatkannya, mereka akan tetap melimpahkan kasih sayangnya pada saya dan kamu, memikirkan saya dan kamu setiap detiknya, dan mencintai saya dan kamu setiap saatnya.

Saya percaya itu.

Mari renungkan bersama.

Seperti kata para ayah, “Untuk mereka yang menunggu.”

Don't Mess with Someone's Commitment

"If you think what 's good for you is not what you have chosen, then change it. It's your sake, your future, and your responsibility. Or, you should just try to get through it. Your decision, Your life, Your Future."

I had a quite lesson story for all of us youngsters, since we're still youngsters.

Making a commitment seems unfamiliar for us. It's not like we're getting married or something, but a commitment sure is a serious problem for us which we have to prepare ourselves today to be able to commit something tomorrow. But I am not saying that you should commit suicide or something like that in your future, since I said so.

Joining a club, or an activity, in our High School period, looks like to be the most important part of having a memorable Senior High School. One of my seniors even told me this:

"For you to go to school for 3 years, you should only study for a half year, which is 6 months before your National Examination, College's Entrance Test, and everything to enter your favorite University. For the another two years and a half, you should only do what you love and things you have passion with along with your school, though you still have to make school looks like the priority. The main thing is, do what you like without abandoning your school, which means you should only study what you need for school, you don't need to take extra lessons, you just need to spend your youth time with F. U. N."

While studying, you should also think of what you wanted to do so badly and do it right away.

For example, joining guitar class, cello class, cooking class, write a book or some, read comics as many as you like and collect them, play basketball until midnight (without hurting yourselves), and many more.

For this case, joining a club would be nice.

Well, that is when our commitment is being asked for.

You may think that by joining the club which you like or popular will make it as your passion. Well, it's a no, my friend.

You should always know what you love from the beginning of your life, or as soon as possible.

Before you move away to the next stage of life: being an adult.

For my friends, and perhaps me, joining and then quitting a club seems fine, when our absence won't cause a big trouble for the club itself, and it's for their own sake.

That is a commitment. When you don't have any passion on what you do, I suggest you should expel yourselves from that activity and find the new one. Know what's your passion. And if you're saying such statements like: "I don't know what my passion is!" , then all that I want to say is:

FIND IT!

Find it, today, this time, before it's too late for you to finally have found what you love.

It's not that I support those who can't make up their minds, but I'm strongly oppose those who hate someone just because that someone has finally found their passion and decided to follow their dreams.

I have a friend that finally spoke up and said that he didn't like the activity he was in to, and decided to go out from the club and do what he likes. I said, "Good for you, for finally have found what you love the most, rather than being a bug for the club, you should make yourself a hero in what you love."

But unfortunately, one of his friends disagreed and hates him. For a reason like, "I don't like him because he joined this club and then said that he hates this kind of thing and just walked out from the door."

Now I should say, poor you for being jealous because your friend had finally found what he love and will be succeed in his major when you're only staring at him and saying that you hate him while you still in the bottom.

But, there are some negative points if you keep changing your major without trying to find out what your passion actually is.

There are some tips from me to help you avoid those kind of circumstances, for example, being bullied by the community for not having a commitment when we actually try to make one.

•   You should try to have a trial for everything you want to do before actually being in it. For me, trials are fine as long it's just for finding out whether you like them or not.

•   If you already in the circumstances, I suggest you should find a way to be out from it. And not to repeat a same mistake again. Rather than making troubles for the club itself, you should make yourself out from it right away.

•   Don't judge someone's commitment just by seeing them go in and out hobbies clubs. They are those who still try to find their passion.

•   Use your time and age wisely. You're young and for me, youth means chances to try and be failed, stand up, and try again until you have reached the top and have another chances.

just USE YOUR AGE AND TIME WISELY.

When you already step in to the next stage, you won't have time to look back and regret things and try to make an excuse to play your commitments.

That is the point why I'm telling this to you know.

And believe me, just don't mess with someone's commitment, especially when they are in this stage, Youth.

You won't know tomorrow if they're going to be a very successful man because they try to find their commitments and passion in their youth, when you regretting yourself for not trying to find chances and passions and just doing what you think was fine.

Go find your passion and in the end, when you have reached your youth limit, put your commitments on it.

I bet all of you will rule this world sooner or later.

Thanks for reading such a long blog.

I hope you have a wonderful time reading it.

Sincerely,

d.