Our Outing Nights Never Go Well...

At least we have a proper ending on this...

We Befriend in A Hopeless Place

We should form a Gerontophilia club soon, then.

Mind Your Own Business

I've grown to be less temperament towards stuff.

And problems.

Especially when it comes to leadership.

I knew myself as a bit temperament and ambitious several months ago, and I have come to a conclusion that for some people, those stuff don't work as good as I expected it would. You need to go beyond what they think you would do. And you even have to go as far as manipulating yourself for their sake. You implemented a new image by hiding those vile thoughts under the beauty of camouflage. In the end, the one who holds the enemies' King is the winner.

Or I thought so.

I've come to a very new environment where being strict and hard sometimes don't work. You know how people are so different with you are and you need to work with them. You know how much these people won't follow how you rule and keep (mostly) whining about things simply because you don't give that image of leader that they're longing for.

I got new for you, then.

I'm not trying to be your "ideal" leader. I'm not trying to be someone who will simply consider a person as a part of something when they don't even willing to sacrifice things to be the part of something. I'm not trying to fill a part of your soul as your ideal leader. Bad news, huh?

I've tried to overcome my old-self several months ago. How I used to whine when things get hard, cry when everything depressed me, doing some secret talks with friends about how hard my life was. No, I've come to a realization that now, I'm used to laugh over things. How some people keep whining while those people, perhaps, don't know how it feels to stand in my place, now. To face all of those problems, now. To be me, for now.

And I'm not asking them to understand how it feels. I'm being sinister, yes indeed. They don't know how sinister I am if I never tell them how I always look into problems. How I always look into things and such. My world, right now, has taught me so many things which always distract me from being depressed. No one in this life you can ever trust to even understand what kind of circumstances you have under your skin. Your flesh. That keeps haunting you days and nights.

Those people don't understand how it feels like to be you. How it feels to be haunted ever since you're awoken from you sleep and even in your dreams. How it feels when everyone who's once supported you feels disappointed and in the same moment, everyone that you're leading feels disappointed with you. How some people still use their ego up until now.

I'm using my ego to overcome problems. I have pride to not to cry over things that have stressed the hell out of me. Some people just won't understand how. Some people can only point to some things that they think it was right. Some people can only judge someone based on things that they think it was wrong and hateful.

Some people can never see things from our perspective. Keep that in mind.

Some people can never see things through our circumstances.

Some people can never be us.

If I were as ego-ful as they are, I might simply say, "They don't understand how it feels to be depressed by these things. They don't understand what kind of people we're facing right now. They don't understand how it feels to be me. They don't know how hard my life is."

Good news, people. I'm not asking you to understand. Because I know how some people will never understand how my brain has processed things.

So please mind your own business, I'll mind mine as well.

How I Want to Spend My Life

How I want to spend my life.

Firstly, either traveling around the world or staying at home.

TRAVELING AROUND.

I might go from one to another country for voluntarism. Or simply traveling, spreading the word of PEACE. Work for societies, bring goodness. Anything with voluntary. Well... I just want to work for people, okay?

Move from place to place, culture to culture, faces to faces. Discovering the unlimited treasure within the world's people.

You get what I mean.

or...

STAYING AT HOME.

A nice wooden house. A huge, calmly garden. An isolated home. A stunning library which contains vast amount of books from all over the world, different languages, and different phase of time, with windows and high ceiling. Two cats. A Cello. A Piano. A Bed. Pencils. Watercolors paints. Blank papers. A Mac. And a kitchen.

What a life.

I should really see this post 10 years from now on.

Have You?

I feel extremely pathetic.

It is not wise, indeed, for clinging up after ages. We used to be close. And I got the sparks. Yes, I did.

But then we parted, the moment when I used to think, “Right, this is life. Things pass and go.”

But sadly, that moment didn’t last. Because I knew the sparks. And they’re still there.

It’s grumbling down my world when I realized you nearly ignore me. Notice me, for God’s sake! Nearly everything revolves around me is connected with your presence. It does hurt me badly, but I love it anyway.

I keep repeating the past. How we interact, talk, meeting eyes accidentally (or I just hoped that you’re keeping an eye for me?). How I really hope that the future has got something that I truly wish, which is a reunion. A better development. Greater sparks.

How I truly wish that these sparks are not only in me.

It may represent a stalker, but I do follow you. Even when people pass and go, in the end, I realize that you are what I wish for tomorrow. Above all of those ambitious dreams, you are what I want to reach.

And I do hope you are thinking the whole same thing, for this whole time.

Dear You, somewhere on this Earth.

I Did It Again

Gosh, great. I did it again.

I feel extremely ashamed that it has already being written on my resolution book, yet I keep doing the same thing. Just when I thought this High School will be plain for such kind of matters, it gradually came.

Sadly, I just realized halfway through that I made another mistake –nearly as similar as before- that might eventually ruin my another perfect time. Well, the interruption is tolerable, but the results aren’t. The bonds which were made throughout the journey gradually crumble down. They always do.

“Never, EVER, put that interest towards mankind. Literally MANkind” is the exact sentence I have put on my Resolution book. What has happened in my previous year is intolerable, the impacts. Jealousy, broken heart, tedious, tiredness, sadness, madness, everything was mixed into a person, me.

Love.

Although it has a massive power to actually turn someone alive –through its tenderness, gentleness, caring-, it doesn’t go that way for me. Two times experiencing a same tiresome, jealousy, madly, and sadly pain is plentiful to actually made me think twice for something involving love. Especially with living things. People.

I have no problems with love for something –passion, as I would say. Books, voluntarism, humanity, environment, I have loved them since ages. Time has flew as I dedicating myself for them. But not with people. Period.

It has been that hurt. It never pleases me. It’s tiresome.

That’s why I never have an eye for loving a person. Family is fine, but not outsiders. Foreigners. Unknowable people.

I know I'm not lovable. It is hard to actually find someone who’ll gradually accept for who I am. This “think ahead” habit has clanged to me since ages. I always put myself in the condition where I’m used to think about what’s next. What might happen tomorrow? What might I feel next month? And that always occurs in my every personal relationships. Indicates I'm not suitable for any dating relationships. I'm sucks on it.

I am even able to describe what kind of scenario that will be played when I'm in someone’s interest. First month will be when we get to know each other, next one week will be when we are nearly being the unofficial-so-called couple, and the next week goes with this tiresome that mostly came from myself, and later on, it’s the end. Less than 2 months, I believe.

Which is why I am scared to have something as common as that. When this person is weirdly getting attached, connections and interactions have been made, sweet, gentle, caring attentions have been showed, this simple question just popped, “Will you feel this happy tomorrow?”

Which bring us to the next stage. Tiresome. Tedious. I had enough.

And I'm near.

But I do feel tired. There’s no way I would repeat a same mistake, same problem, same regret. I’m tired of falling in love with dynamical creature. Lively. Forceful. Because people change.

And pathetic, indeed. I may say “I Love You”, but then I never actually think about you as much as I think about that person somewhere on this Earth that will actually never think back. Or about my dreams. I never give you the same attention I’ve given to someone I have constantly been in love with. I actually admit that you’re replaceable. Temporary.

It’s me who’s being mean all the time. Yes, since I can't actually differ “mean” and “nice”.

Thus, before we end up to the same stage, I believe, cutting everything is the best choice.

Good bye, live a happy life.

Sincerely,

Dina 

Library War: Love and War

I stumbled upon something interesting, again. The genre-well, the story progression-hit me at the first sight. I always fall for some comedy-romance that don’t put focus on the romance itself, but the main story-how they develop really good and have something that used as the main story rather than romance as the base one. Yep, I’m into things that have romance put don’t put it at the top of the story-instead, they are focusing on other things that more serious (like a war condition) or funny (like a special matter at school or babysitting *ups, I feel like mentioning other title). In this case, this “Library War: Love and War” story is mainly focused about the Seika 31 era thingy in Japan (2019 in our dicitionary) when the government has declared the “Media Security” or stuff, mainly about government that think the generation should be secured from the improper media that might turn them into “good-for-nothing” generation, harsh, uneducated, and, you know what I’m trying to say.

Then they have this “Media Improvement Committee” that totally with the rules, they demand for a better quality of media for generations in that age. And sadly, they would not hesitate to do rough stuff to persuade and “take” what it takes to “save” the generations-by any means, strictly prohibit people’s right to read any kind of books and being selective, they would take books forcibly from the bookstores when they think that those books are ‘problematic’ and ‘the material is improper to be read’-and make a better future. They think. And maybe this sounds quite good, if those committees don’t start to touch other matters that actually don’t need to be banned or stuff, but just because there are one line that sounds provoking people to be ‘bad’ or teasing the government (well, it’s our rights too, right?) when it doesn’t even sound like one, they started to get into things that make people feel bothersome. They would take all books just because the author has something to do with government, or too fictional that can make people think insane. Well, that might happens, but still, this committee is way too far from their jurisdiction, sometimes.

And time is not that tough. There are people who care about the freedom to read anything they want and to gain informations from anywhere they like and these people are fighting to defend themselves from the forceful Media Improvement Committee and freely lend books, media, and passing informations for those who are seeking informations. These people defend under the name of “Library Force”, the Library is where the forceful committee doesn’t have any right to touch their materials, and the Library has their right to defend themselves from the committee when they get rough, and then they have “Library Defense Force”. This force doesn’t work to fight the committee, but they only defend themselves in order to keep the Library safe and sound, and thus, they have rights to hold weapons. And there’s this “Task Force”, an elite force in the Library Defense Force that work more specifically and more hard than the regular “Defense Force”. They also have to work as the Librarians, which make this force a bit ‘special’ than the usual defense force. They have to know how to fight and how to be librarians.

Okay, so the story begins with this girl, Iku Kasahara. She’s tall, mid-twenties, huge, perhaps. And she’s kinna strong. She has this dream to join the Defense Force because in High School, someone from the Defense Force has done something that made her see him as a prince-though she totally forgot about his face, his voice-and rescue her from the Media Improvement Committee from taking her favorite book that she’s been waiting for 10 years long. Then, with her passion, she joined the Defense Force secretly because her parents don’t like her doing things that is not ‘girlish’, since Iku herself is quite tomboy but girlie in other part, but from how she survives, she is indeed strong and quite like a man.

Her story revolves around how she do her job as a Task Force member. Yep, her supervisor, Atsushi Dojo (he play a very big role here), and Komaki-I don’t know his surname, with their supervisor, Genda, suggested to the Chief Commander (I forgot his name!) that she and Tezuka, the super perfect guy that will team up with her and Dojo and Komaki, he’s *quite* handsome but cold, praise Dojo so much, genius, but at the beginning, very rough to Iku because he couldn’t get the point why someone -a woman!- that is not as capable as him can be tasked as a Task Force member. But he gets it why along the story, and being cuter each chapter, will be put in the Task Force.

How things turn out in this story is very nice, to me. The development is great, not fast but not too slow. Iku has this bad relationship with Dojo and they fight a lot, but Dojo and herself show affection to each other, realize it or not, and indeed, Dojo is caring to her. And yes, like other typical romance story, things turn out to be good.

But my main point is, the story is not about Iku and Dojo’s relationship. It’s mainly about the story of the era where you have to fight to read something, and I always love books more than anything. I don’t mind buying books I have read and don’t open the cover for ages to make it safe. I close my bookshelves and I despise people who can’t see the preciousness of books. I do believe that life also comes from books, and books have souls. Yes, sound fictional, but I treat my books as my body, so I do love anything that discuss about protecting and praising books. Glad someone is kind enough to take this theme and turn it into a manga and anime.

Yes, the story about Iku and her Task Force, her supervisor, her friends, and her life to safe books for people who also care about it came from light-novels from Japan by Hiro Arikawa. 

He has written 4 series, and actually, only the first one that use the name “Toshokan Sensou”. The others are Toshokan Nairan, Toshokan Kiki, and Toshokan Kakumei (still finding the meaning and the English version of the novels). In Japan itself, they have published the story under two mangaka, so apparently, there are two mangas that came with the same story, but the different is, one is more ‘shoujo’ -for girls- and the other one is more ‘shounen’ -for boys-although the romance story is still in there. I like the shoujo one more, since they have came out in my country, and I have a better image of the story, and better excitement, from the shoujo version, Toshokan Senso: Love and War while the shounen one is Toshokan Senso: Spitfire!

They also have this anime came out in 2008, and I just knew it nowadays-since I just met the title very new-and guess what? The anime is a BOOM. I love the artwork but sadly, I can’t download all of them (my internet connection suddenly turned low). But I do aim to download them all. I love the anime just by seeing the first eps and OVA.

So please don’t mind to keep in touch with my blog, since I’m going to write things about my interests, and these kind of things are also my deepest interest.

Tell me if you’re a fan of this series!