At least we have a proper ending on this...
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Sunday, April 15, 2012
I've grown to be less temperament towards stuff.
Especially when it comes to leadership.
I knew myself as a bit temperament and ambitious several months ago, and I have come to a conclusion that for some people, those stuff don't work as good as I expected it would. You need to go beyond what they think you would do. And you even have to go as far as manipulating yourself for their sake. You implemented a new image by hiding those vile thoughts under the beauty of camouflage. In the end, the one who holds the enemies' King is the winner.
Or I thought so.
I've come to a very new environment where being strict and hard sometimes don't work. You know how people are so different with you are and you need to work with them. You know how much these people won't follow how you rule and keep (mostly) whining about things simply because you don't give that image of leader that they're longing for.
I got new for you, then.
I'm not trying to be your "ideal" leader. I'm not trying to be someone who will simply consider a person as a part of something when they don't even willing to sacrifice things to be the part of something. I'm not trying to fill a part of your soul as your ideal leader. Bad news, huh?
I've tried to overcome my old-self several months ago. How I used to whine when things get hard, cry when everything depressed me, doing some secret talks with friends about how hard my life was. No, I've come to a realization that now, I'm used to laugh over things. How some people keep whining while those people, perhaps, don't know how it feels to stand in my place, now. To face all of those problems, now. To be me, for now.
And I'm not asking them to understand how it feels. I'm being sinister, yes indeed. They don't know how sinister I am if I never tell them how I always look into problems. How I always look into things and such. My world, right now, has taught me so many things which always distract me from being depressed. No one in this life you can ever trust to even understand what kind of circumstances you have under your skin. Your flesh. That keeps haunting you days and nights.
Those people don't understand how it feels like to be you. How it feels to be haunted ever since you're awoken from you sleep and even in your dreams. How it feels when everyone who's once supported you feels disappointed and in the same moment, everyone that you're leading feels disappointed with you. How some people still use their ego up until now.
I'm using my ego to overcome problems. I have pride to not to cry over things that have stressed the hell out of me. Some people just won't understand how. Some people can only point to some things that they think it was right. Some people can only judge someone based on things that they think it was wrong and hateful.
Some people can never see things from our perspective. Keep that in mind.
Some people can never see things through our circumstances.
Some people can never be us.
If I were as ego-ful as they are, I might simply say, "They don't understand how it feels to be depressed by these things. They don't understand what kind of people we're facing right now. They don't understand how it feels to be me. They don't know how hard my life is."
Good news, people. I'm not asking you to understand. Because I know how some people will never understand how my brain has processed things.
So please mind your own business, I'll mind mine as well.