Mirror Cycle

"Treat people exactly like how you want to be treated."

I have heard this saying a lot of times, tried to apply it several times, but rarely success. But no stoping, I'm starting over again. Especially as an exchange student, you got the nice starting point to do that.

Remember how people say that karma exists? For me, karma doesn't necessarily mean the after effect of your bad things. Life is basically a cycle of mirror. You'll be treated exactly as how you treat other people, and that's why sometimes you got the bad attitude. Well, kind of describing karma as well.

But.
I truly believe that what you get is what you have shown. Like, if you show how much you love books, most people will have tendencies to give you your book wish list or bookstore gift card. Tendencies, by any means, it doesn't necessarily have to be true. It might be 85% true. Or the least possibility is that they knew what you want so bad and they can give it to you any convenient time possible. In the case of giving.

Or, if you show people how much you like spicy food that is considered spicy for Americans but not even spicy to Indonesians, people will relate you with spicy stuff, probably order spicy stuff for you, too. For the sake of what you've reflected.

Therefore, it's right for me to draw a conclusion that we got what we've reflected. More or less.

And it's hard, super hard, to treat people exactly like how you want to be treated, because all of the selfishness any human kind always has, our tendency to gain more with less loss. Gain more, less loss. I personally think I have mistreated some close people in my life, and I am indeed trying to do better than the mistreatment. I realized I made mistakes and hurt people, sometimes. And I don't want to be hurt by those people. Selfish, pretty much. But at least I understand the equation of social treatment, now.

Which is why, I always try to do stuff one, super short step at a time. Just like my environmental project,mi might be reckless to not being Eco-friendly enough to most of my life parts, but at least I try to make certain good things to be my habits--which is working out pretty good.

And like the mirror cycle theory, I might not be able to do it to some of my closest people since I got grudge on them sometimes and it's hard to even calm yourself when you think you've tried yet the result is still bad. Because in the end, humans do good things to be reciprocated. Naive.

But at least I can start one thing at a time.

Being an exchange student that came from a majority country to a minority country gave you a chance to feel what it's like to become a part of the minor society in your country--which is major in America. Which is Christianity.

Seeing all the different methods they use to teach their children, elders, young people about God make me realize that my religion is, too, mighty. I learnt a lot about my own religion by mirroring my perspective through the Christianity glass. I can understand Allah SWT and Islam better because there's certain things I can compare to. In fact, it made me believe on Allah SWT way better than before I came here.

I respect Christianity as much as I want them to respect my own religion. I want them to think of my religion as a peaceful, friendly religion that I tried to show them while I'm socializing with them. Islam, despite those terrorism image that people tried to pin it to, is in fact a very open religion. Despite our rituals, we are very tolerant. At least that what I feel when I was in my country.

Thus it's pretty normal if in day, I went to church (which I always do every Sunday in America since my host parents are pretty devoted) with my host parents and host sister, I tried to stay awake and pay attention more, not disturbing people, because that's how I want other people to do when they come to Our House. I want them to respect Our Holy House as much as I respect theirs. And I will, in fact, try to sit straight and look straight. Because of that, I also have a motivation to be better in my own religion services. To look up straight and pay attention, at least.

And I gues it's pretty normal if my Muslim friend got a chance to learn about Christianity and show them how we respect their religion ended up falling asleep while the church is having its sermon and choirs and I poked them to wake up and pay attention. Because what that friend did will make people think of my religion as how they saw him/her. Will ruin all of my efforts to gain their respects and at least treat us the way I treated them. What my friend did, would not only harm the essence of the sermon itself, but also my religion's pride. What she did would mirror all of us.

It's like, being selfishly surrendered to the urge of sleepiness rather than humbly respecting others and tolerate it. It's like... Showing how we actually slept in during our own khotbah. Which made me super embarrassed.

Self-reflection? Might be true. But at least I'm working on fixing my own habits, by any means, not letting people around me to do the same mistakes as well.

Mind Your Own Business

I've grown to be less temperament towards stuff.

And problems.

Especially when it comes to leadership.

I knew myself as a bit temperament and ambitious several months ago, and I have come to a conclusion that for some people, those stuff don't work as good as I expected it would. You need to go beyond what they think you would do. And you even have to go as far as manipulating yourself for their sake. You implemented a new image by hiding those vile thoughts under the beauty of camouflage. In the end, the one who holds the enemies' King is the winner.

Or I thought so.

I've come to a very new environment where being strict and hard sometimes don't work. You know how people are so different with you are and you need to work with them. You know how much these people won't follow how you rule and keep (mostly) whining about things simply because you don't give that image of leader that they're longing for.

I got new for you, then.

I'm not trying to be your "ideal" leader. I'm not trying to be someone who will simply consider a person as a part of something when they don't even willing to sacrifice things to be the part of something. I'm not trying to fill a part of your soul as your ideal leader. Bad news, huh?

I've tried to overcome my old-self several months ago. How I used to whine when things get hard, cry when everything depressed me, doing some secret talks with friends about how hard my life was. No, I've come to a realization that now, I'm used to laugh over things. How some people keep whining while those people, perhaps, don't know how it feels to stand in my place, now. To face all of those problems, now. To be me, for now.

And I'm not asking them to understand how it feels. I'm being sinister, yes indeed. They don't know how sinister I am if I never tell them how I always look into problems. How I always look into things and such. My world, right now, has taught me so many things which always distract me from being depressed. No one in this life you can ever trust to even understand what kind of circumstances you have under your skin. Your flesh. That keeps haunting you days and nights.

Those people don't understand how it feels like to be you. How it feels to be haunted ever since you're awoken from you sleep and even in your dreams. How it feels when everyone who's once supported you feels disappointed and in the same moment, everyone that you're leading feels disappointed with you. How some people still use their ego up until now.

I'm using my ego to overcome problems. I have pride to not to cry over things that have stressed the hell out of me. Some people just won't understand how. Some people can only point to some things that they think it was right. Some people can only judge someone based on things that they think it was wrong and hateful.

Some people can never see things from our perspective. Keep that in mind.

Some people can never see things through our circumstances.

Some people can never be us.

If I were as ego-ful as they are, I might simply say, "They don't understand how it feels to be depressed by these things. They don't understand what kind of people we're facing right now. They don't understand how it feels to be me. They don't know how hard my life is."

Good news, people. I'm not asking you to understand. Because I know how some people will never understand how my brain has processed things.

So please mind your own business, I'll mind mine as well.