Tuesday, December 25, 2012


A Librocubicuralist.
A Bibliophile.
An aiwendil or aviphile.
A watercolor painter geek.
(Sadly) A Bruxomania.
A graphomania.
An oligomania.
An amateur musician geek.
Stationery aficionado.
An ailurophile.
Some sort of an aquaphile as well.
Quite talented climber.
Easily attracted to lights.


So far?

Monday, December 24, 2012

Mirror Cycle

"Treat people exactly like how you want to be treated."

I have heard this saying a lot of times, tried to apply it several times, but rarely success. But no stoping, I'm starting over again. Especially as an exchange student, you got the nice starting point to do that.

Remember how people say that karma exists? For me, karma doesn't necessarily mean the after effect of your bad things. Life is basically a cycle of mirror. You'll be treated exactly as how you treat other people, and that's why sometimes you got the bad attitude. Well, kind of describing karma as well.

I truly believe that what you get is what you have shown. Like, if you show how much you love books, most people will have tendencies to give you your book wish list or bookstore gift card. Tendencies, by any means, it doesn't necessarily have to be true. It might be 85% true. Or the least possibility is that they knew what you want so bad and they can give it to you any convenient time possible. In the case of giving.

Or, if you show people how much you like spicy food that is considered spicy for Americans but not even spicy to Indonesians, people will relate you with spicy stuff, probably order spicy stuff for you, too. For the sake of what you've reflected.

Therefore, it's right for me to draw a conclusion that we got what we've reflected. More or less.

And it's hard, super hard, to treat people exactly like how you want to be treated, because all of the selfishness any human kind always has, our tendency to gain more with less loss. Gain more, less loss. I personally think I have mistreated some close people in my life, and I am indeed trying to do better than the mistreatment. I realized I made mistakes and hurt people, sometimes. And I don't want to be hurt by those people. Selfish, pretty much. But at least I understand the equation of social treatment, now.

Which is why, I always try to do stuff one, super short step at a time. Just like my environmental project,mi might be reckless to not being Eco-friendly enough to most of my life parts, but at least I try to make certain good things to be my habits--which is working out pretty good.

And like the mirror cycle theory, I might not be able to do it to some of my closest people since I got grudge on them sometimes and it's hard to even calm yourself when you think you've tried yet the result is still bad. Because in the end, humans do good things to be reciprocated. Naive.

But at least I can start one thing at a time.

Being an exchange student that came from a majority country to a minority country gave you a chance to feel what it's like to become a part of the minor society in your country--which is major in America. Which is Christianity.

Seeing all the different methods they use to teach their children, elders, young people about God make me realize that my religion is, too, mighty. I learnt a lot about my own religion by mirroring my perspective through the Christianity glass. I can understand Allah SWT and Islam better because there's certain things I can compare to. In fact, it made me believe on Allah SWT way better than before I came here.

I respect Christianity as much as I want them to respect my own religion. I want them to think of my religion as a peaceful, friendly religion that I tried to show them while I'm socializing with them. Islam, despite those terrorism image that people tried to pin it to, is in fact a very open religion. Despite our rituals, we are very tolerant. At least that what I feel when I was in my country.

Thus it's pretty normal if in day, I went to church (which I always do every Sunday in America since my host parents are pretty devoted) with my host parents and host sister, I tried to stay awake and pay attention more, not disturbing people, because that's how I want other people to do when they come to Our House. I want them to respect Our Holy House as much as I respect theirs. And I will, in fact, try to sit straight and look straight. Because of that, I also have a motivation to be better in my own religion services. To look up straight and pay attention, at least.

And I gues it's pretty normal if my Muslim friend got a chance to learn about Christianity and show them how we respect their religion ended up falling asleep while the church is having its sermon and choirs and I poked them to wake up and pay attention. Because what that friend did will make people think of my religion as how they saw him/her. Will ruin all of my efforts to gain their respects and at least treat us the way I treated them. What my friend did, would not only harm the essence of the sermon itself, but also my religion's pride. What she did would mirror all of us.

It's like, being selfishly surrendered to the urge of sleepiness rather than humbly respecting others and tolerate it. It's like... Showing how we actually slept in during our own khotbah. Which made me super embarrassed.

Self-reflection? Might be true. But at least I'm working on fixing my own habits, by any means, not letting people around me to do the same mistakes as well.

My Thing-A

This is how a four years old Tennessee girl with extraordinary body height (that doesn't make her look like a four years old since her parents are extraordinary tall) speaks.

By adding a southern accent and an A in the end of the sentences.

"Dina, you mess my thing-a"

"Calm down-ah"

"Blaid my hail-ah (braid my hair)

So on and so forth.

Oh, plus, she cannot say R.

Sunday, December 23, 2012

A Girl With Icy Hands

Her only problem.
When you are not even comfortable touching your own pinkish cheek with your own hands because they're too cold. For no reasons.

And every time she goes to a cold movie theater, she will not try to sit on her hands because they're cold. And rarely someone wants to hold hers, at least to make her a bit warmer.

She doesn't whine about it, it doesn't really troubles her. It's just... Unusual. When your whole body is humanly warm yet your hands are like icy, cold water in a glass with melted ice.

It's pretty sad, though. Little kids don't like to be touched by her cold-skinned hands, although they love playing with her. They laugh together, yet they don't want to hold her hands when they're having an afternoon walk. Her sister doesn't want to hold her smooth, silky hands because they're too cold. Cold, cold.

She wasn't even born in a four-seasons countries, she's as healthy as those tropical kids that happily run in the forests, although living in a tropical country doesn't mean you literally live inside a forest.

Now, winter is here. The air is getting colder, and so are her hands. She can't touch herself, warm the cheeks, because it's cold. She can't touch her neck because it's freezing, even her legs.

And one day, she said, she wished for someone who longs to hold those cold hands. To hold them when they're in a movie theater, or walking in a park in Fall. To willingly have her touches their cheeks with her icy hands. To blow warm air to her hands when it's started to get chilly. To stay on hold with her, no matter how cold her hands turn to be.

For someone who will kiss her hands gently--like her mother and father did--and says how much they like her icy hands, talented twinkling fingers. How they long to be touched by them, just like herself wanting to touch her cheeks with her hands. The cheeks.

Or to buy her a cup of hot plain water just to hold on to it. Or letting her touching their hairs while she's reading her favorite books.

Way off track, though.

And one day, she said, she wished for a colder hand, so that the someone she longs so much will hold it tighter, keep her hands in their pocket, taking care of them.

Not being shocked of how cold her hands are, or saying "Don't touch me, your hands are too cold!"

As if that's a nicer way to say, "Don't touch me, you're a very cold person."
By heart.

Quite similar with The Girl With A Dragon Tattoo, huh?

She literally has cold hands.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

School Soothing

No, no, I mistyped. It's School Shooting.

As you guys may have heard, there was this tragic event that happened in small town called Newton in Connecticut, where around twenty some people--most of the are elementary kids--were shot dramatically by a young guy that somehow got some sort of mental illness and just BAM BAM BAM to the elementary school.

I don't really know the chronology of the story, but long story short, his mother turns out to be one of the substitute teacher in the elementary school and the guns that he used to kill the victims were his mom's. We also found out that the killer killed his mother first and the brutally went to the school and just did the massacre. And then he did suicide. Like Arthur Conan Doyle, left the story hanging... I'm not sure I can use Mr. Doyle as a comparison, but anyway...

It happened last Friday, and everybody still talks about it.

For you who don't know it, you might think living in America is very liberal and fun and fast and easy and rich and popular and so on, but those lives are paid with consequences. Most of Asian countries--Indonesia, to be precise--might look like poor, un sanitized, crowded, third world countries. All of the sweatshops that your History teacher showed in your class probably came from the Asian countries, Indonesia one of them. Indonesia itself is not that liberal, pretty strict, and still developing. You feel like being chained.

But Alhamdulillah there's no gun ownership. Not some random people from out of nowhere that have mental sickness and own a gun and come to a random school and shoot the kids. Or temperamental person who thinks problems can be settled in with just shooting the trouble-maker. No, no, we don't have that kind of threat... So far. We might not have any LockDown drill for students, to ensure that we know what to do when there's some random guy that come to school with guns and ill-heart... Which is staying on the corner of the room.

You might want to read about what really happened in the Connecticut shooting. My English teacher said that one of the victims is a teacher that hid the kids in the closet, and then when them killer came and asked where the kids, she lied and told him that they're in the gym. The killer brutally shot her, for lying. Hem.

In my country, you don't experience that kind of things... So far that I know. Hearing stuff like "random guy came to school and shot the students" is totally new to me, as a foreign exchange student. The fact that those things happen in this liberal country frightens me a bit... Because just like those kids, I'll never know hen it'll happen in my own school.

The case was kind of left hanging since the killer killed himself. No one will ever know the very true reason--motive--behind the tragedy, without a single clue, and nobody knows what might have caused it and how to prevent it. It's left hanging, tragically.

And today, there were a lot of parents coming to school to pick up their kids, because of some rumor about the exact same things that wandering around the school community. I saw quite some police officers walking back and forth, as if they're trying to act that everything's just find, we just have a bunch of new police officers for no reason. My lunchmate freaked out--although he's a guy, and his sister is a very easy-going girl that doesn't worry as much as he does--and even one of lunchmate went home since his mother picked him up. The bus was kind of empty--which is good, I can sit on the front seat--and lots of kids are not coming to school. Wonder what will happen tomorrow.

Anyway, we're watching "The Crucible" in English class and "BONES" in Anatomy class. Finally.

One thing that crossed my mind this day was the fact that none of these would have happened in Indonesia.

Just saying.


Since everybody was talking about it, I assumed I got the chance to write about it.

If tomorrow is the end of the world...

I will not choose America as the last place to stay. Or, America would be one of the least places I want to be, if it's really going to be the end of the world.

Not merely because I nearly finished my fifth month of exchange year and thus I am staying away from my natural family and it sounds so pitiful to experience the end of the world with your new family and friends without being able to hug those blood related family of yours, or no, not just blood related, heart related.

No, not merely based on that reason, although it's one of them.

If people know when the end of the world will come, everybody in my country would probably be staying in masjid and mosques by now. All of my high school friends will hug each other and pray for our well-being-ness and life after death. One of my saint-like friend, M, will be there. She's the first person that crossed my mind when I think about praying together.

Everybody will start praying, read Al-Quran together, ask for forgiveness. It'll be one of my most favorite day because it feels so peaceful and everybody is just loving and embracing each other, in a mannerly way.

I might cry quietly while hugging my brother and sister (of course after I arrived in Jakarta). I will ask forgiveness from my parents, I will miss them pretty bad after life. But I think I'll leave happily since it feels so peaceful, everybody is just so caring and gentle.

I might be wrong, there might be some part of the scenario that is not as perfect as I imagined it would be, but I think it's close.

And also, I might be wrong.

First impression of having the end of the world in America is that instead of praying and peacefulness, people will do crazy stuffs, like driving cars when you're not old enough, do everything that they've wanted to do since years, apocalypse everywhere. Although I'm pretty sure that might happen in Indonesia as well.

Like they said, You Only Live Once, they'll definitely do things that fulfill the "live once" theory.

And with the gun issue, those gun owners would probably come out and start another apocalypse in order to save themselves. Me and my host sister would probably just watch the tragedy, since there's nothing sentimental we can really do about it. Again, it'd be so pitiful to not being surrounded by people you have loved since your early years, but hey, who knows.

I'd probably run and scream, instead of praying, because that's what everybody does. If you ever watched The Walking Dad Dead, I think it's pretty much like it, although I never watch it that show.

Anyway, all of these End Of The World issue really made my last Thursday before winter break seems... Intriguing. Or any kind of adjectives I can use to describe the peculiarity of it. Everybody was like "Tomorrow's the end of the world, anyway..." Or "Everybody's gonna die tomorrow anyway..." Like that.

Even my lunchmate was freaked out.

Now that you mention it, you'll never know whether there's gonna be tomorrow or not, right? Another tomorrow might be the end of the world.

But this whole End Of The World thing really made you actually worry about what's coming up tomorrow, since you'll never know.
Or is it just me being so critical about uncertain things that started to get brought up because of the Mayans?

Oh well, only Allah knows it.

Friday, December 14, 2012

First Fight


I don't know whether I should be rejoice, but it sure made my adrenalin went up, up, up.

So, this is the story.

It's Friday, today to be exact. I had English III in my first period. We're finally finishing the play The Crucible, a tragic play than somehow depicts witchcraft trials back in the 1700s. Some of the characters are real. One trivia thing, I don't like the play because it ended tragically. Good people died in pride, bad people got away, everybody was hysteria. The act showed you how some people--no matter how much it doesn't make sense--will still hold their greediness, reputation above all. All of the nonsense of witchcraft that's basically based on jealousy, how those people's mind doesn't work at all. Pretty tragic.

We had a pretty time. For a moment, I thought.

Then, we started to collect books and get ready to get out from class. I stood up and picked books from other tables, when I heard some guys on the corner of the class chuckled and said something about "Knock his head with books" and basically, pick on him. Yes, the new guy in class, a tall, big, quite-looking Caucasian kid. He went in front to the table to put some books back, and one of the African guy purposely stood in front of him in his way back and they bumped into each other. I'd say both of them doing it on purpose, and suddenly...


They're punching each other, at that moment, on the place where they stood up, which is next to my table. yes, my book bag was pretty sad looking, I couldn't even get back. I was across the room, pretty much shocked. That is literally the first fight ever that I've seen in such close range. My host sister--sitting on the table next to me--was the other closest witness of the fight. Along with the girl who sits behind me (she's trying to stop the fight). I was so panicked that I have no idea what to do, when the teacher shouted at me, "Go get somebody!"

And I was like, "GET WHO?! WHERE?!"
One of the girl told me to get to the police. I ran outside, but still have no idea where I should go, since I'm totally confused. I even made circles in the hallway before I decided to run to the front office. The principal and some teachers came to our class, while my heart was still thumping really hard, either because of excitement or scared.

The principal asked us to write statement about what happened and he asked us one by one. I was so nervous because I felt like being in an investigation like all of those detective movies I've watched. I was like, "We're just some nice two exchange students that try to bring peace, that's all."

I asked my English teacher whether she has experienced such thing before, and she casually said Yes.

I felt like the only person in the world who just got something that's not even new to anybody in there.

Friday, December 7, 2012

Leaving Date

My host sister got her leaving dates today.
She needs to pick between two dates.
And it's much earlier than her expectations... Even earlier than my leave,

And for the whole afternoon, she's fussing about it. Saying about how she's so sad, she doesn't want to go home, she wishes to come back, and so on.

And I'm just listening.

Happy to her, she didn't have to worry for these past five months about her departure date. Wile I'm here, even when I just arrived in this nation, the wonderful America, with my departure date to go back to my country...

I can count how many days left for me to live this kind of life. The American life, being honored to represent Indonesia.

And I told her that.

Thursday, December 6, 2012


There are some parts of you that you know it's morally right, it's always been, yet it's worldly wrong. And it's you to decide whether you want to stick to one over the other, or vice versa.

One thing I figured out about myself is that I always think people like peace. People like the win-win solution, mutualism. Everybody's happy. The total 100% happiness. I thought everybody wants peace, no one likes war or killing or betrayal or sort of.

...unless I'm being too naive, I did think that's true.

Today's game in my US History class has perfectly proven that hypothesis is wrong, especially in America. Well maybe, everywhere. Yes, like John Lennon's song, You may say I'm a dreamer. I am indeed a dreamer. It's pitiful to know that in such easy situation, people don't even think peace at all.

So, here's the story. We played this pink-green card game called Everybody Can Win. The objective is to get positive result, no matter how big it is. The rule is, our teacher will give us one minute to decide whether we want to use pink or green card--you can discuss it with other team.
If all teams raise up the green card, everybody gets the positive point.
If there's team who raised up green and others pink, the pink ones get the positive, while the green ones get the negative. If all raise the pink one, everybody get negative point.

It's a six rounds games, each round the points are doubled (for example, 1, 2, 4, 8,...)

One tricky thing about this game is that since it's doubling, if you messed up the first five round--get all minus--but then you won the sixth round, you still won by one positive point. But if you won all the first five rounds and messed up the last one, you automatically lose.

I teamed up with my host sister and some other friends. When the game started, I was trying to campaign about using green all the time, since it won't bother any teams, everybody gets points, everybody gets the extra credits. One of my team member grabbed the card and picked the color, which is pink. Ignoring me, he consulted with other groups about which card to pick, since he knows I'm a too I Love Peace, Win-Win Solution person, he decided to take over.

They're crazy. Yes, they are. Nobody can actually be friend. There's no one to cooperate with. Well, I thought there are... Some. But there wasn't any. I was shouting about what's the point of trying to trick others when all of us can win and just play by the advantage. And guess what? Nobody's listening. I feel like an excluded hippie in a such modern world. In a good way, though. Although bad situation.

I was trying to gain trust which I should not be doing in the place based on my observation throughout the room, that no American in that class room you can trust, and tried to grab the card over. Yes, I made a huge mistake, I pulled the green card in the last round, along with one other team, while everyone else took out their pink card. We just got 31 positive points, and suddenly being smashed pretty bad with the 32 negative points.

Everybody, except for the big guy and my host sister, was mad at me. Well, childish mad, not the mad-mad. There's five people in my team, two didn't really care about the game since it's just a game and you can get extra credit else time, the one was freaking mad--like, "I told you to put pink, and hoooo you just keep saying put green, we better gain trust,..."--and he indeed annoyed me so much, while the other one was just being the cheers for the mad one.

It indeed annoyed me, so much. Both of them are in my bus as well, and all of the way home, they just kept buzzing about how I'm being stupid and naive and not strategically smart. I apologized--sincerely--over the matter that they didn't get the easy extra credits. I was laughing hard, to be honest. You know when you get annoyed so much that you just laugh hard because they are indeed hilarious? That happened to me.

The game--titled Everybody Can Win--made me think again about humanity, the restoration. It might be one of the games that I don't like that much.

It made me realize about human true nature. No matter how easy it is to actually win by just letting everybody wins, there are some little part of our human nature that is selfish. No, most of it. Like my host mum said, You were born with selfishness, as you grew older, people teach you to share. Being generous is not a genetic cause, it's a learning experience. What I saw in the game today was not bunch of people wanting to get extra credits--it's people who like to see others suffer, not happy, less fortunate. Less equal. We were born with inequality, superiority. The joy was not getting the extra credit, but seeing people don't get extra credit or even better, get minus. That's human.

I know that I was supposedly using the pink card. There's no way I'd risk my life for less than 25% of success for using the green card, on the very last round, the biggest point, both for negative and positive. It actually made me wondering. What are the reason I decided to use that green card in the very last round other than bothering my other teammate? To gain trust or having solidarity with friends (because there is indeed a team that raised green card)? Or to just try?

A lot of things happened today. I'm glad tomorrow's Friday.

I might be naive, I won't be.

Saturday, December 1, 2012


Yes, it's already passed, like six days ago.

Before I forget about it.

Last Week's Thursday, the Americans had their annual Thanksgiving celebration. It's basically where people be thankful and be friendly to everybody by inviting them over for some stuffed turkey although my host family had Chicken in Dressing instead and... just be thankful. We invited some people over to have Thanksgiving lunch with us. I had a feast.

...well, come to think of it, Thanksgiving is a bit like Idul Fitri, our Moslem celebration. When we have our Idul Fitri, my mum usually cooks for hundreds portion of food, unusual food. Food that she only makes on big days, like Idul Fitri. We don't really put decorations like Christmas, but we tidy our house, just like Thanksgiving.

It was a wonderful lunch, we had wonderful company coming over as well, and we talked a bunch of stuff... One of them was the Black Friday.

I know, it sounds racist. One of my friend at school always mentions how he doesn't really agree with the term of Black Friday since it sounds so racist, as if only African-American people who come to shop at midnight.

Well, actually, the origin of the name is how in business, black is considered as surplus, you have more profits, and it means your bar of profit was going up up high, to the black level.

Well, anyway. That wasn't my point.

We talked about how this crazy sale day was infecting America. How all the discount coupons came every single day since our Thanksgiving holiday until the Black Friday, bunch of huge advertising papers in the newspaper, so on and so forth.

My mom even knows about it. That famous. I know.

How this Black Friday system works? Basically, they either open the store earlier, like at 12am on Friday, or 4am on Friday. Most of the stuff in those stores are half priced or so I think. People were rage--they were literally running, pushing trolleys, fighting with random people over a half priced bag, some of them might even be stepped on as well.

The crazy commercial in a free country. Huh.

Funny thing is, it's so ironically true that the day before the Black Friday, it was Thanksgiving. Yes, the day to be grateful of life. To be thankful of what we have. To feel blessed and enough.

And yet, not even a blink, those peaceful thoughts about being thankful suddenly disappeared, along with the rage, ambitious, hungry shopaholic people who have been consuming all the advertisement, not even remembering their prayer for the Thanksgiving lunch or dinner anymore. They might not think about the prayer at all when they had their Thanksgiving meal. Maybe, Black Friday is their prayer.

Ironically, true. People change over things like flipping coins. That fast.
No offense, I'm just voicing out random stuff.


No, no. It's not the Everlasting Friend of Super Junior's Fans club. Nope.

It's basically another Christmas movie.

I found it pretty hilarious, even though I was distracted with the iPad, checking all the emails and stuff, but I still managed to find it hilarious enough, YEAH!

The story was about an orphan named Body, or Buddy, which is not his original name. He accidentally snuck inside the Santa Claus' bag, went to the North Pole with him. Every elf in the North Pole was so shocked, and they didn't know his name, except for the fact that he's wearing a diaper with Little Body Diaper tag, so... Basically you realized where his name came from.

He grew like humans--which is not elf--and started to wondering whether he's really his Papa Elf's son. Later on, his Papa Elf and Santa Clause opened the secret, leaving him in a journey of finding his real dad, because his mom died soon after he was born, and his dad never knew he had a son with his high school girlfriend, whom he loves dearly.

The funny things about this movie is that the actor really captured the festive feelings of a man who was raised in a society who loves Christmas dearly, very loving, cheerful, and and the cute stuff, and applied that to the New York City environment.

Body was adventurous. He tried the circling door over and over again, puke, then do it again, grabbing ads papers from the volunteers many times, eating spaghetti with pop tarts and M&M EEEW, I know, right. EEEEEW! He ate gums on the handing steel to the subway, which is another EEEEW. He was going nuts when he knew that the Santa Claus in the department store was fake, like "YOU'RE AN IMPOSTER!"

I like when somebody said imposter. Haha.

Oh, oh, I also like how he really show his love to his real father--with no sense of what's going on--and being so festive about everything.

There are great people who played this hilarious movie, such as Will Ferrel and Zooey Deschannel. Both of them are pretty famous now, so I think it's pretty logical that this movie was so good. Really.

Well, better go watch it! YAHOOO!

Saturday, November 24, 2012


I know,
It started to get pretty annoying.

Here's the thing, my host family is into watching good movies, and it seems that every time there's good movie, we got a chance to watch it.

So here again, I have watched the documentary movie titled Lincoln, about the life of Abraham Lincoln, the 16th president of the United States of America, that plays a huge role on the Civil War.

For those who doesn't know what Civil War is, it's when the USA was divided into two parts upon the issue of slavery, where there's the Union and the Confederates of America. Basically, it was about equality, rights in front of God, so on and so forth.

Daniel Day--as Lincoln--totally captured my depiction upon Loncoln as a gentle, small voiced man who looks so gloomy, quirky, tall, and complicated. A little bit humorist, though. You can even feel those pressure upon him about the war... Weighing him as his back was bent forward.

Frankly speaking, the first several minutes of watching it... I was sleepy. Yes, all of the seats were occupied when we came, thus I had to split up with my host parent, found seats on the very side of the line, with my host sister,

My position at that time was perfect... For sleeping. Especially when the beginning of the story seems luring me to go to sleep.

The beginning was so fast and a bit tangled. Steven Spielberg showed us the Lincoln character, the condition of the war, and so on. It's nice that I've learnt about the Civil War, therefore I was sort of understanding the plot. But still...


From the middle to the end, the movie started to show its kick points. It shows the difficulties, fractions within the Congress upon the Thirteenth Amendment--abolish slavery. How Lincoln made decision and interacts with his employees, what's the impact of the amendment to the African Americans at that time, the hysteria of Lincoln's son in the theater when they announced that Lincoln has been shot... It's all there. The frenzy.

This type of movie is the kind that doesn't really follow the usual plot. It follows history, which doesn't offer you the usual plot. It has a problem in every step, not stages. You can still see the climax, yet it's not as bluntly as the usual story where you can see the beginning, the middle, the climax, and the end. Basically, this movie suits anybody who likes rocky, challenging kind of movies.

You might want to try read some synopsis before watching it, though.

But still...
It's a great movie. I feel you, Lincoln.
I feel you.

Total Achievement

I finished watching
Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney
Phoenix Wright: Trial and Tribulations
Apollo Justice: Ace Attorney

Am... So... Proud. Yeah

Friday, November 23, 2012

Be Tough

Tahu kan, tipe orang yang cemas berlebihan?

I am one of the person who thinks too much. I might think about tomorrow more than enjoying what I do today. I look over people's grieves over mine, I pay less attention to my own happiness... Seldom.


I might be the what-if person who'll ruin your daily hopes by raising such questions in your every premise. Yes, even to my own premises.

Another anyway.

Being an exchange student made me raise those what-if questions. What if I failed the class? What if something happened to me? What if I don't have any friends? What if something happened to my family? What if I have troubles with my host family?

What if?

One of my what-if seems come true... Although it doesn't happen to me. One of my wonderful friend whom I don't wish to share the name since I didn't write this in the person's concern, just lost his father... Back in our country, Indonesia, while being away in here, America.

No, I do not wish talk about him. What I feel, that's what you'll read.

To be precise, that premise is also one of my concerns. What if... One of family members die? What if... I'd be totally clueless.

One thing I had in mind regarding others is that I always try imagining people's feelings in myself. What if it happens to me?

First thing that happened, I cried. Silently, literally. It's 12 AM! The sadness suddenly creeped my skin, letting me imagining my own possibility. I am afraid of losing anyone in my family, I'm even afraid of losing anybody that I know, because the picture of death scares me. Not knowing what might happen to you... Too many what-if questions I can barely ask to myself.

I thought i was delusional, thus I tried to look for more infos. And it is... Confirmed. I cried again.

What if I'm him?

Well, to be frank... I don't know.
I don't know whether I should be sad and ask to go home because my family is so important for me, or should I stay here--finishing my exchange year--because I know my father would be disappointed with me not being responsible with my scholarships, or should I act tough in front of people, or should I just let my emotions drive me, or anything else?

I know none.

If I were him... I might not be him. All of the uncertain emotions are mixed up pretty well. The fact that I know none... The fact that I'm imagining how he feels... Made me pretty messed up, by any means emotionally sad... Like super sad. Like, theCarol of The Bells song being played over and over again. I love the song, but it's... Gloomy. Pretty much

I envy you, dear friend. I might not be able to do what you do now nor understand how you feel, but I tried, really.

Innaillaihi wa innailaihi rojiun. May Allah SWT bless your father. Even though I never met him... Officially, I know he's a wonderful man, just like you.

I might know nothing, but may you be tough.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Love at Thanksgiving Parade

Me and my host mother and host sister watched another Hallmark Christmas movie, called Love at Thanksgiving Parade. I'll make it quick.

Basically, it's about this super cute lady named Emily, a vintage fashion lover who works for the city, currently working for the Thanksgiving parade in Illinois, Chicago. When I said cute, I mean it. She's the typical passionate woman who's into moral values, about how important the parade to kids, as she was so enthusiastic about it when she was little. She's very smiley, charming, a loving woman. I'd like having her as the heroine in ANY kind if movies. Haha. One thing very quirky about her is that she likes wearing vintage clothes. Sad reason, though. Her mother died when Emily was a baby, her father--a cop--was so in much grief that he gave away all of Emily mother's clothes to Goodwill. The reason why Emily was wearing a lot of vintage clothes is in hope to someday find her mother's clothes.

Then, there's this guy named Henry, a nice, lonely, strict, rich guy who's devoted to do the right job description--in this case, saving money for the government. He's pretty much strict and workaholic. He stayed in fancy penthouse, had his own pillow case, brought a chess match to play by himself. Yes, pretty lonesome guy. One thing nobody knows about him--although he's trying to say things about it--that he's an orphan.

Emily--with her passionate love for the parade and her marine biologist boyfriend--and Henry have to work together as the government asked Henry to cut the spending of the parade. Emily was afraid that Henry's going to demolish the parade. Emily's boss told her to show the town to Henry.

Bla Bla Bla.

Problems started to rise. Emily's boyfriend is not proposing her, yet he asked her to join his cruise for the wonderful journey of marine science. She used to have troubles with Henry because of her prejudice toward what he might do to the parade. Emily just wanted to start a family, yet her boyfriend discarded what she wanted when they've been dating for five years!

Henry, he also has trouble--having trouble in believing in true love. He tends to end up a relationship after fifth date, because he's not ready for the marriage, and the girls started to want marriage.

Well, you know what happened. Yes, Henry proposed Emily.

The story is pretty typical, but it's cute and funny in lots of ways.

Like, how Emily always smiles and looks cheery,

How Henry was looking at Emily in grocery store when she was in deep confusion about buying ice cream or not and the cat food, after she had a debate with Henry over being alone is identical to buying cat can food and ice cream.

How Henry followed Emily's suggestion to try eating chocolate with peanut butter for Movie night.

How Emily was imagining the proposal

How Henry encouraged Emily to buy ice cream by buying ice cream ahead of her.

The cuteness, silliness of a relationship.

Anyway, it was cute enough. Pretty laughable.

Should go watch it!

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Breaking Dawn Part 2

I can't believe it's finished!

No, no, I am not a big fan of Twilight Saga, sorry to say. I used to like the Twilight one, but when it started to develop into New Moon, Eclipse, and Breaking Dawn... I just think it's too much. I am not a very romantic person, thus being in love with someone as bad as Bella to Edward, I just don't understand the logic.

My host sister... She loves it. So much. I tell you, so much.
The very last installment of the Twilight Saga, Breaking Dawn Part 2, was released on November 16th. My hypothesis was that since the saga is so famous, the cinema might be full for the first two weeks.

Yesterday, after going to the gym, we decided to watch the Breaking Dawn on its first show on Saturday (which it shows around ten times a day. TEN!). Yes, we were still sweating and it's a bit chilly.

The guy who sells the ticket suggested that the first show might be less crowded. Well, even though it seems very much crowded, but I guess he's right. I mean, I got some really nice seats!

Some movie previews, THEN!

I finally watched the very last installment of Twilight Saga. My host sister couldn't stop smiling and clapping out of happiness... Y'know...

OKAY, for anyone who doesn't want to see some spoiler about what's going on inside the movie, stop reading this now.

Here's some points that popped in my mind while I'm watching the last Twilight Saga movie...

1.The opening graphic was sort of like free falling.
You see, in the beginning, the showed all of those people's names that are involved in the movie, with a black and red background, like all pictures of red and ice frosts. It gives you the creep, but suddenly, when they first showed Bella and Edward... The awe-ness of Bella turning into a vampire was not as great as I think it will be. They're just hugging each other, showing the awesome-ness of a new born... It doesn't leave a very great impressions to me. Just... Okay.

2. Reenesme!
I totally have trouble with the little half human half vampire baby, Reneesme. I know she was so perfect and beautiful from the book. And guess what I got from the beginning of the movie until the middle: a graphic computer-made looking baby! It's not their fault, it's just me. It bothers me so much seeing a baby that looks not real, her face is just too symmetrical, and you can see some not real spots from her face! And it bothers me. So much. I keep saying, "Aaah the face is so not real!", although in the middle of the movie, they finally changed the computer-made face into the real Mackenzie Foy.

3. Bella seems... Different.
Okay, still remember Bella from the beginning? She was described as a very complicated, deep thoughts person who seems like struggling with her own inner thoughts and doubts. Everybody seems to protect her frail being, but sometimes I see the sparks of power. AND SUDDENLY in this movie-despite she's finally becoming a vampire--she's becoming so temperamental, a bit hey-I'm-awesome attitude, and still a bit sentimental. I don't know why, but her personality changes kind of bothering me. I like how she always has her own deep thoughts problem, the complicated personality, and suddenly here she is, being so... Demanding. Probably that is her vampire personality, I just thought it will be more fun if she still has those deep thoughts personality.

4. The War Part
Do you know the kind of movie that has no martial sides at al, yet they're pushing any action scene to the movie so that it kind of having everything? Yep, I felt that way with this movie as well. Either it's me who forgot the plot or the producer just wanted to have the action side as well, I don't recall Alice imagining a war--which made a full fifteen minutes of war horror between the Volturi and the Covens. What I remember is that they had a very kind of negotiation, nearly started the war--with a bit of fist fight--but then Nahuel, the guy who's also half vampire and half human, appeared.
BUT, in this very movie, Alice was imagining the war horror that might happened if Aro--Volturi leader--started the war. Carlisle would be dead, Edward would be mad, war would happen, Jasper died--being ripped off, Benjamin knocked the land, made lots of casualties, both in the Volturi or the Covens. And in the end... Aro died in the hands of Bella of Edward. Pretty intense action scenes, all about ripping heads and choking others. Everybody in the theater was like, "KYA! No way! How come...? GYA!" Like a horror movie. And I keep telling my host mum that it was so not real because there's no part in the book that they started the war. Now you get what I'm trying to say, huh? Yes, it feels like they made the action scene just to appeal the audiences for the action part. Well, it felt like a pushed scene rather than natural to me.

5. Not mainstream
You know how the movie revolves around the main couple--Edward and Bella? Well, sometimes it also revolves around Jake and Reneesme, but still, they're the main story, right? One problem that I always have while having any movies or books is that I like the supporting couple. In this movie, the character Garrett was introduced, along with Kate, the electricity lady. It's sad how I actually pay attention to their development on being a couple rather than Edward-Bella development. Like when my host mum asked, I said, "Oh I love the Garrett-Kate couple so much! Garrett was so handsome, and the chemistry is there!" Y'know... Kind of being hipster. That's one of my problem while watching a movie. Getting distracted from the main thing. But it's good, right? I have the ability to find other unnoticed parts that some people don't see.

Well, basically, that's all. I had quite a great day.
Still can't believe the Twilight Saga is over.

Monday, November 12, 2012

007: Skyfall

007: Skyfall

From Google
For anybody’s who’s wondering,
I’ve watched Skyfall.

Yes, that James Bond movie.
Where? In IMAX.

On Veteran’s Day.

Just kidding.

Anyway, some stuff I’d like to share about this newest Double Oh Seven movie (which basically my first I-watched-it-till-the-end Bond movies)

Today was a pretty day, so me, Aizada, and my host mum decided to visit her daughter in Wake Forest. We’re planning on watching Skyfall in IMAX at Raleigh,

I heard that the movie was pretty long, near three hours. Yeah!

Then we went to the seats, got some nice seats inside, settling down.

The beginning of the movie was started with some motorcycle-car crazy driving and some shooting that makes me feel like watching another Bourne Legacy movie.
I gotta tell you, watching people driving crazily—both car and motorcycle—is tiring. My eyes, my mind, I’m tired of following the shaky camera. Period.

I think the chase lasted for ten good minutes, and then they moved scene to the top of the train, and suddenly BAM!, James Bond was accidentally shot by his partner. And he fell to the river, got flush away by the stream. And suddenly there’s the theme song and some credit clips (the ones that show names of people involved, but not the slide-from-bottom-going-up-credit-that-is-so-plain)

And I was like…
Yes. The movie only told us about how James Bond finally died, in fifteen minutes, I guess.

NAH, just kidding.
After those opening, they started to show the movie again.

I won’t spill the beans out, but here’s something you might want to know:

1. IMAX is so awesome.
You should try watching some great wonderful movies in IMAX. The ones that need total seriousness, like Bond.

2. James Bond is not bad
I always thought that James Bond movie is basically an espionage movie with girl sidekick as the decoration or as some light stuff to make the movie attracts not only people who like to watch spies, but also couple who like to watch the intimate scenes. Even though they still have some, but I’d say I love the espionage part of it. Might started to watch the previous one. I hate to say that it looks as if James Bond is such a player and all girls like him. Even though he's great.

3. The storyline is interesting
In my most humble opinion, for any of you who likes watching espionage movie just like me, guessing a storyline for such kind of movie sometimes as easy as seeing your watch. But then, while watching 007, I thought I found it pretty interesting since there are some part of movies but not the first fifteen minutes one that indicates the end of the story—based on regular hypothesis—but suddenly it jumped out to the next scene, continuing it. Better yet, it doesn’t stop and said, "To Be Continued…". The whole story kind of giving you from the beginning till the end—which I like the best.

4. Skyfall is a good theme song
I just like listening to it.

In the end of the movie, it said that it’s been 50 years of James Bond, and
After such complicated and I-thought-it’s-finally-the-end ending…

Better go watch it now!

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Re-wait for it-lationship

Okay. Here’s the deal.

After watching two consecutive Christmas movies in Hallmark, I realized that the two movies shared some pretty common points of scenes, which are:

1. The fact that both girls were used to have a long relationship with some not ideal men for years and suddenly BOOM the dream, perfect men came, just like that. Ruined things I prefer make things right, though.

2. The boyfriends said the exact same thing to the ideal men, which is “Fate and I are engaged last night” or the other girl’s name—which I’ve forgotten.

3. There’s some third party that always motivates the girl to choose the ideal men over the I-already-know-you guy.

I had some sort of short debate with my host sister over having a relationship. Both of us have a total different point of view about life, although both of us agree about basic norm stuff at life.

She was trying to say that it makes no sense for her that the girl chose over the guy whom she only met for days or weeks over the man that she’s been dating for couple years, which she mig have known him better. From her perspective, that just doesn’t seem realistic. There’s no way a lady can easily fall for some random guy over the man who constantly tries to love her to the fullest.

I tried to rebut her by saying that, I guess in finding your soulmate, it doesn’t mean that the one you’ve stayed with is better or more promising than the one you just met yesterday, as long as the chemistry’s there. Even if you know someone for ten years, you might have been happier with the guy you just met last month rather than the one you’ve spent your whole five years with.

What I’m trying to say is that relationship is some sort of gambling. There’s no certainty in falling in love or looking for your soulmate. You can’t be certain that you’ll be happier with somebody you knew for years. You can’t be certain you’ll be happy with the one you just met either. None of them is better nor worse.

Remember the Love at First Sight term? If it does exist, let it be, for the people who tries to really look hard in the world for that very first sure glimpse of your soulmate in the corner street. As those people started to get commitment and marry, it doesn’t mean they found the perfect one. It’s just they’re ready to take chances, as they think that they finally want to start their new journey, as they’re thorough with the seeking game.

Love at First Sight? It doesn’t always mean it’s forever and ever and that’s it. I mean, after you let the man you’ve been dating with for years go and now you decided to pursue the guy you think suits you, it doesn’t mean you’ll get married with him right away, right? You will go through those introduction process, knowing each other moments, happy and hard time, or probably, a new encounter.

I’d rather be with someone who attracts me better than sticking my nose on the I’d rather be with you since I know you better theorem and be with the guy that I’m not sure I’ll be happy with JUST BECAUSE I met him much longer than that yesterday guy. No, I’d rather be with myself, taking chances. Not staying behind, regretting every moment of my decision because of the cowardice I had when I made those decision.

I’m no expert in relationship. But I’m pretty sure I know what I’m going to do if I ever had some sort of situation, especially I’m looking for the spark of chemistry between humans. I might say I am not that not knowledgable enough to be lured with the anxiety and discouragement of taking chances.

So, at the very end, I said “it’s better for me to cut off my tie with the guy I’m not sure of rather than staying with him because of the time.”

And my host sister insisted that I would not want to sleep with the guy I just met two days ago and date him.

I don’t think I’m that desperate to just date the guy I met two days ago only based on my Love At First Sight moment. I’m not sure that’s the ending for rejecting your five years long boyfriend for the guy you just met two days ago.

I told you I’m not good at this.

Monday, October 29, 2012


My first pumpkin ever.
Spent two days on it.
Started to root sooner than I thought.
But it got appreciated as the most creative one.
Thank you for everyone who voted it!

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Americans, huh? #1


That's a bit awkward at the first time. I mean, in Indonesia, we used to kiss older people's hand when we meet them, address them with "Sir" and "Ma'am", bow when we walked in front of them, offer others some food when we eat in front of them, etc.

In America, there's no such thing. You don't now when you walk on front of them. You sometimes called your teacher without any "Sir" and "ma'am" and it's fine. You sometimes don't bother your teacher.

It's not wrong, though. Basically, it's culture. And there's no right or wrong culture, right? It's just... A bit different. And different is good.


Like always, a hobby is always a hobby.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Night Hike

So, hi.
I had my another volunteer hours again by working with the Environmental Group in my community. They’re pretty awesome kids to hang with, and I’m glad I’m in it.
So, this night, we were supposedly helping the library to work with their Night Hike project, where you walk in the woods at night, try to find for traces of animal footprints and the other stuff. It’s pretty fun—from what I imagined.
We tried to walk through the trail first before they came to put all the clues and traces of footprints—because it would take ages to find the real one—and then coming back to the library. We saw a bunch group of young girls—around six or seven years old—and their mothers—and some fathers.
I was pretty much shocked and didn’t expect myself to see that whole lot of people to work with.
Basically, they’re all so cute and adorable, like your ideal of little six years old American girl in their scout group. The trail was so far so good because it’s pretty obvious and I still remembered.
Half and an hour passed. My flashlight was dimming (well it’s actually dimming for the whole walk), although I had some adorable girls that tried to cling to me and they had these super excellent working flashlights, so I tried to keep them near me. The trail started to get smaller, and I wasn’t sure whether I walked in the right path. And the girls started to ask questions like,
“What if we’re lost?”
“No, we won’t. Since you have me.”
“Yeah, but I was just wondering if we’re lost…”
And the other stuff. One of the mothers asked me how long it’s going to take more, and I wasn’t sure myself. I mean, it was pitch black, I wasn’t sure how long we’ve been walking, and I wasn’t sure where we were at that time.
I told her that probably we’re going to have another 15 minutes before we finish, and then she started to tell me that they didn’t know that it’s going to be that long since it passed their bedtime. When I asked them about the bedtime, all of the girls said they sleep at 8pm.
Well, probably you should just use my bedtime.
The road started to get confusing, and the distance between each clue started to get farther and farther, which made me a bit worried. I thought I was going to cry. What if we’re lost? What if they’re going to sue me since I’m not an American citizen and I know nothing about the park? What if they thought I’m a professional and when they know I am not, they’re gonna hate me?
Another What-If’s condition that I don’t really need to think about. Hem.
And finally,
We arrived. We’re finished.
All of the mothers were in hurry to go back to the library since it passed their bedtime—which they tried to walk in front of me, the leader, instead. We rushed back to the library. They were ahead over me and then made a circle to have some snacks. The lady that talked about the bedtime asked me whether I want to join their goldfish snack time, and I unwillinglypassed it. After that, I bid farewell to them, didn’t get a chance to say where I came from though, but I’m glad they’re happy.
And it seems that I got the biggest group ever—15 people or so!
Means I have the right to feel a bit nervous.
Man, hard night.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Born To Die... Really

I stumbled upon some Youtube videos yesterday, terribly-accidentally stumbling Justin Bieber ft. Nicki Minaj new MV, well that’s the bad highlight of the search,
Well then I stumbled on Lana Del Rey’s song called Ride. It’s a pretty complicated song, not my type at all, and her MV was pretty… Bold. I guess.
Then I decided to google her, and I found out that her album is titled Born To Die. Hem… Pretty interesting.
That crossed my mind again. I mean, every human—no exception at all, since I’m not sure about vampires and alchemists—will eventually die. It might become your greatest fear, but again, you’ll eventually come to a stage in your life where you’d say, “I’ve had enough, I’m ready for the new world.”
But again, have you ever wondering, instead of living some hard-happy years and then die, why don’t we just die in the first place? Or, better yet, why we should be born in the first place.
Nice question, huh?
I’m not trying to educate people here, I’m just happened to love talking about my philosophical idea of living—moral perfection, as what we’ve learnt today from the English Class about Benjamin Franklin. Frankly speaking, it’s not about moral perfection at all, I just like saying it.
Then again, as I was saying, why didn’t we have that simplicity to go straight not living at all than enduring those horrible-happy years.
Simple answer. Because experiencing is much more important than dying itself. I think basically, the main reason why we need to go through the tough life before dying—which some people decided to die unnaturally by committing suicide since they’re not that happy—because it gave you different feelings about ending a journey. I mean, as simple as feeling it, that’s why it’s that important that we can’t actually skip the living process.
You’ll have certain fondness to certain memories, hatred to some stuff and people, passions for people and activities, story to be sent over as legacy for others—basically an entertainer. Is to make sure that we left with legacy, the one that’ll mark our journey, to be remembered, to give the certain pleased and proud feelings.
It’s as simple as enjoying a book by digesting the whole story of it rather than going straight to the last page—or even worse, the epilogue. Or Wikipedia.
As simple as the joy of beating the eggs, mixing the flour and butter, wait for it to be perfectly baked, rather than go straight to the market and buy a pretty nice looking cake.
That simple feelings that you can’t actually describe either by English or Bahasa, or any language in this world.
The complicated feeling that human craves for—basically, the feelings of experiencing and leaving trail.
We—humans—are pretty complicated, aren’t we?

Monday, October 8, 2012

The Firm

I lost count.
Hp hip hurray! I finished another book again, and this time, I got a special time to read “The Firm” by John Grisham.
One thing about crime fictions is that you cannot guess the story pretty easy, like reenlist or romance serials. Especially John Grisham’s. There’s one time in your reading session where you think you’ve reached the limit of your excitement and then you can skip the end… Well it’s not going to happen for this book.
Briefly, the story told us about a young, passionate, and smart fresh graduate Harvard Law Student, Mitchell Y. McDeere that accepted a job offer in an unusual yet humble and prosper law firm called Bendini, Lambert & Locke.
Life seemed so good to be true for him and his wife, Abby, until he started to be approached by the FBI and strange accidents keep coming around. Later on, he finds out that the firm where he works at is a Mob-based firm that actually works for a big Mafia called Morolto, and the firm helps the mafia covers the laundered money and turn it to clean money.
Mitchell, or Mitch, later on tries to find a way to escape the circumstances where he doesn’t actually helped the FBI yet he’s not helping the firm also, since he made the firm turn in for their crime by the end of the story.
I’d recommend this book for anyone who has keen interest with laws, espionage, intellectual stories that won’t give you any hint about how things will turn out in the end. The only way to guess the end is to read it.
The feelings that you got as you want to read more, more, and more.
Well, this theory only works for those who like such genre.
I’m going to start collecting John Grisham’s.

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Nope, Not Lucky, Nor Talented

First thing first.
I got accepted to the “National Art Honor Society” in Western Guilford High School!
…No, it’s nothing really cool for some of you but probably one of my just-getting-started achievements and it’s really COOL for me, following my lifetime achievements even when I didn’t realize I’ve achieved them,
One funny thing is, my Art class is on 5th period, and my art teacher happened to ask the class about one of the Western’s teacher room, and that teacher is happened to be my sixth period teacher. Hem, what a coincidence. And I accidentally saw my name on a certificate-something. What a bummer for me, for not being able to get the hundred percent surprise. But I’m still grateful and happy. Alhamdulillah.
A very bright, yellow sunflower goes along with the certificate, and it’s my third flower of my life. Isn’t that lovely. First flower from Miss Jane, second one from Miss Judy, third one from Miss Gagnon.
I am happy, but that’s not what I’m trying to say here.
Some people think I’m so blessed, I’m so talented and nearly spotless—but I do have spots. Joking. Some people never see me as regular since they think I’m able to do stuff. Drawing, coloring, doing math (since I’m literally not good at doing physics), socialize, and other stuff. Some people think I should be more grateful with what I have now.
And sadly, they never heard about my story behind those chattering.
No, no, I’m not lucky. I am blessed with such a wonderful family, though. And I always think, you can make your own wonderful family. It’s not the job of your parents, you can actually be the butterfly of the family, to think that your family is wonderful.
No, I told you. I am not lucky. Nor talented.
I came to this stage of my life, where I’ve been way back before, even before you thought about starting a journey. No, I am not talented at drawing, I’m just happened to able to use what I had back then when I was in kindergarten, I’ve been through years learning of how to do it, failing and losing at competitions, only to get a set of crayons.
No, I am not talented at doing sport, I’m just happened to like doing it and I started to do it constantly. Become a habit. So it is not a talent. It’s something I’ve implemented way years ago.
No, I am not smart kid, I’m just happened to live in a circumstances where I have two siblings and they need a better attention from my parents rather than I do. And I hated losing. I hated feeling inferior, because it’s hard to get back on track. Although now, feeling inferior and losing are two different issue.
So I survive. Just like those black butterflies in the Industrial Revolution at England. They survive, by failing and dying for years. And it’s not yet the cherry of the cream.
But I do have efforts. And I don’t like to feel unsatisfied, because there’s no greater feeling than to have what you want to finish to be done.
Just like this writing.
So no, I am not lucky nor talented. I’m just happened to be an effortless and highly-passionate person that lives on Earth.
Happened to.

Monday, October 1, 2012


First of October, and it’s Monday, and it’s chill. I love the chill.
In fact, I started to love the breeze. Allergy is nothing compare to my excitement.
Although that’s not the point of this.
Some people said you only live your life once, you only become and exchange student once, and you only experienced the feelings of living on other’s land once—unless you decided to continue your college at that place. But anyway, once you felt it, that feeling will only come once. The feelings, not the events.
I mean, you can always be an exchange student no matter how old you are, right? You can always find ways to repeat the same events, but not the same feelings.
Some people, I presume, said that you have to appreciate that one year living in a total awkwardness that eventually becomes a familiar surroundings.
As if the other years of your life (as for mine, my other seventeen years) sound like they’re useless. Unmemorable. Unimportant. Not fun. Not okay. Not me.
Here’s one funny thing about human. We never see usual things special. Never. That’s how our mind is used to work. We always differentiate “usual” and “special”, as if those two things will never hang out with each other. Like your life, isn’t it?
The other seventeen years seems normal, like an usual human daily life, while the ‘special’ year seems so different. Glowing brightly by itself among the common stars.
I may sound very philosophical, and yes, I am proud of it. I may not realized how I can always treasure my life no matter where I am, but I do now.
By any means, life every year of your life as if you’re in a total different situation. Put yourself as if there’s no tomorrow to repeat the same things again. Come back to your country and make everyday worth living, like how you appreciate your every second while you’re away. Have new feelings everyday no matter where you are, whom you’re with.
And sometimes, it doesn’t require your “I am an exchange student” badge to realize those beautiful feelings that we mostly passed since we’re looking to the shiny diamond among the rocks, not trying to see any diamonds within the rocks themselves.
See, life is daring, beautiful, and fun in every way, if you know how to see through it. Appreciate it. Make an effort to put the special spices on every occasion, not only the limited occasion. You don’t need a repeated event to have the same feelings. You only need to feel grateful to make another great feelings.
As life is not a repetition, but it’s growing.
Dina P. Sari
5.30 PM GMT-7

Sunday, September 30, 2012

The Perks of Being Wall Flower

Great, another book is finished!

Slowly but sure, i got my reading pace back on track and I started to read several new books for the #50bookschallenge project. I finished this book by the beginning of September, I guess. It's a quick-paced reading, so...

Anyway, I'd say this book, "The Perks of Being Wallflower" is pretty light yet complicated and mysterious as you've being brought to Charlie's letters for someone whom he didn't know at all (I guess he was writing those letters for us), and that is such a great way to tell story.

It funny how his high school life seems to be like a huge television where he became the spectators, and throughout the book, all the people from his surroundings started to grab him, pull him inside to the television and became one of the actor.

One good thing about reading this book is that you don't really have to think really much throughout the book (I'm currentlyreading The Firm of John Grisham right now and the story made me speculating even when I'm not reading it) and it's light--like I told you before.

The writer (whom I forgot) made an exceptional work on making it exactly like reading letters from a freshman clerk. I like how Charlie (main character) revolved around his two best friends, Sam and Patrick, and the intrications within them.

Anyway, they're going to show the movie based from the book by the end of this year. Logan Lerman is playing Charlie and Emma Watson as Sam (I haven't googled about who's playing Patrick).

If you're a fan of light-psychological teenage novel, you should read this one, since I don't favor romance teenlit.

...or am I considered pretty late  since I just read this book recently?

Dina P. Sari
9.22 PM GMT-7

One Month and 25 Days

Greensboro Map - (c) duke.edu
... Or so.
I'm not really really fond of counting, but yes, this feels like a new chapter, a new identity in a new land, so I guess I should be counting.

Shortly, here am I, sitting on my princess-like bed on a 3x3 meters bedroom with yellowish lamp dimming romantically, literally. It's 30th of September. The very last day of my favorite month, September. Why? It's simple, it's my birthmonth. And I guess September is the most classy, elegant month out of all, but of course... All people think their birthmonth is great. You have your opinion, then.

Anyway, yes, this feels like a dream, if anyone ask whether I want to pinch myself, and YES, I do. Because it doesn't feel real, at all.

For anyone who doesn't know what's happening right now, RIGHT NOW I am an exchange student from YES scholarship program to USA, and currently being hosted by a wonderful fairy-godparent of America in Greensboro, North Carolina.

And if you try to look back to the past one and a half year, this life indeed feels like fairy tale. A possibility that doesn't cross your mind. A dream that seems afar yet when you're there... It doesn't feel any different. Which scares me, a lot.

I guess it's nearly two months. Yes, you feel like you're in a espionage movie, where you moved to a new place and start over, as a new person, with history you'd like to forget. And no, I don't want to forget my history, since I'm not in an espionage movie.

Things are different, that's the first thing I can tell. And you barely can tell more, since you don't even know how to tell more. Indeed.

I'm used to live in solitude, since I lived like that for the past two years, and it does seem a bit awkward to suddenly move in to a family, a whole lot different family with yours, with a new sister you have to understand with, and accept.

Back then, you thought that you only need 'this' amount of courage to be able to live such a faded yet real life in other's country. It feels like fun. It feels like dream comes true.

It is indeed a fairy tale, since the progress is indeed like a fairy tale. Sad, rough, hard. Some people, though.

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said that you can find reason from peace and solitude. And another one, you can find reason when you're away. Away from your familiar surroundings. Away from the things that determine yourself. And indeed, being far away from your familiar made your realize stuff. New things. The depth of your personality.

Being an exchange student doesn't mean you get all the happiness. I am lucky, since I'm used to live by myself. I'm used with the solitude, in fact I feel awkward with the group. Some people are craving for  the familiar, and I'm not.

Let me share you a secret. Smart people may have passed the tests to be an exchange student, but only the GENIUSES that can survive. It's a survival test. What you had before is nothing compare of being an exchange student. Mark my word, a genius.

Have you ever seen the famous paragraph of an exchange student?
"How do you know what dream is, when you never achieved one?"
Yes, that is just so true.

Being an exchange student is like a dream come true. It changes you, not by a year, but since the first day you stepped on other's land, you've changed. Everybody changes. And for those who said you changed... They just don't have a mirror to see their daily changes.

Be an exchange student. It may not make you feel superior, but at least you're superior from your old self. You stepped further.

And believe me, being an exchange student has nothing to do with being wiser.
Just be. Like I started this journey, one and a half year ago.

Dina P. Sari 8.35 PM

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

Partnership Village

I always try to feel grateful for the gifts that Allah has presented to me throughout my whole eighteen years of living, and I feel like being blessed by my surroundings.

Again, I got another great chance to be able to visit a different community within my American life. The church where my host parents goes to has a Partnership Village that they assist for years. The term "Partnership" means that the church tries to help fund the development of the community and sometimes help sponsoring some family by loaning them place to stay with low pay while they're searching for a new home.

I had a great experience in the Partnership Village. Both me and Aizada went there for the first time and met wonderful little kids around seven or six that being dropped by their parents there, since their parents have to work night shift or else.

If I were to tell you about what I saw that day... I wouldn't. Everything is hard to explain, because you can see from all of the kids' faces about how hard their life is and how they appreciate the fun times they spent with the church. Finding the children with church.

I felt being blessed more by Allah through the opportunity of visiting three and knowing them through their story.

We were playing a short play about Lazarus that's being brought back from death, and the lady from the church then discussed about it with the children. What so sad was when a little kid said,
"My father died but he didn't come back to life..."

I was startled and quiet for a moment. How sometimes those simple honest words from a little kid can hurt you so bad...

To me, nothing is more saddening than seeing somebody suffer yet they don't mind sharing it.

Like seeing those little kids sharing their loves without knowing how people feel pity about it.

America is not that fully prosper country, if anyone out there is interested to know. There are some people in here that have hard time with their life, and yes, we--Indonesians--do have too.

Grateful. The simplest thing on Earth you can do to make your life better. And stop thinking about it, believe me.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Birthdays or Whatsoever of my Indonesia

Birthdays or Whatsoever

Tomorrow will be my country’s Independence Day.
And I am away from it for this year.
Nothing really special happens in here, America.
Because They do not celebrate it. Nothing happens.
No national flags, no people gathering around and have some competitions.
No ceremony.
The bloody red and pure, naive white for the flag of Indonesia.

Just the usual day for here.
Tomorrow will be the day my country got her Independence 67 years ago.
The day that had been waited by my ancestors, 67 years ago.
The sacral day they kept talking about.
And I am not there.
Around my Indonesians.
Sixty seven years ago,
My country was being reborn. She finally got the formal birthday.
She was finally being reckoned by the world, although she needed to get through things after it.
Even now.
You know, they say that you know you love someone when you’re losing them.
When you’re away from them.
I once got a personality crisis, and yes, I know I’m proud for being an Indonesian.
Yes, birthdays or whatsoever you call it, I’m congratulating you, Indonesia.
Happy Birthday!
Dina Puspita Sari
Written on Thursday, 16th August 2012 local time
17th August 2012 Indonesia time

Thursday, July 26, 2012

What Makes Me Beautiful

I’m Insecure,
Don’t know what for,
I'm turning heads when I walk through the door,
Don’t need make-up,
To cover up,
Being the way that I am is enough,

Everyone else in the room can see it.
Everyone else but me,

Baby I light up your world like nobody else,
The way that I flip my hair gets you overwhelmed
But when I smile at the ground it ain’t hard to tell,
 I don’t know,
Oh oh,
I don’t know I'm beautiful,
If only I saw what you can see,
I’ll understand why you want me so desperately,
Right now you’re looking at me and you can't believe,
I don’t know,
Oh oh,
That’s what makes me beautiful

So c-come on,
I got it wrong,
To prove you’re right,
You it in a song,
You don’t know why,
I'm being shy,
And turn away when you look into my eye eye eyes,

Baby I light up your world like nobody else,
The way that I flip my hair gets you overwhelmed
But when I smile at the ground it ain’t hard to tell,
 I don’t know,
Oh oh,
I don’t know I'm beautiful,
If only I saw what you can see,
I’ll understand why you want me so desperately,
Right now you’re looking at me and you can't believe,
I don’t know,
Oh oh,
That’s what makes me beautiful

Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na
Na Na Na Na Na Na x2

Baby I light up your world like nobody else,
The way that I flip my hair gets you overwhelmed
But when I smile at the ground it ain’t hard to tell,
 I don’t know,
Oh oh,
I don’t know I'm beautiful,
If only I saw what you can see,
I’ll understand why you want me so desperately,
Right now you’re looking at me and you can't believe,
I don’t know,
Oh oh,
That’s what makes me beautiful

That’s my Narcissistic version of One Direction’s “What Makes You Beautiful”. No offense, but somehow, I love singing this narcissistic version better… when I’m alone.

And somehow it still matches the rhythm. Go give a try.

Anyway this is the real version of this narcissistic song: